Wednesday, January 30, 2002

I finished reading Stephen King's Dreamcatcher last weekend. It was good - I kind of like the way King blended horror together with a little scifi. I also like the part where the story dealt with a large piece of land with overreaching consequences - I never liked Misery ( two persons in a cabin ), while Salem's Lot ( a whole small town ) is a favourite. This is one of those stories where many, many people's lives are affected ( oh... SO affected ), but what shines through it all is the old childhood friend formula. That part with the Standpipe brought back really fond memories of It, heh heh. Nice touch there, as both stories involve characters who have been friends for a long time.

It's a book about aliens, old friends and one amazing character who brought said friends together ( okay, I bought into the Duddits thingy myself - fit neek? ). I didn't really find that amazing character that amazing, but I especially favoured the play between the four boys. It still ranks above this one, though.

Next Stephen King book on my list... I'm going to hit the biggest one of them all. Say hello to The Stand.

Friday, January 25, 2002

I love the smell of fresh teh tarik in the afternoon. It smells of... lack of creamer for the coffee. Anyway, that's behind us now ( I'm above bitching about creamer too much anyway - it's sissy-ish ), so let's recap the week:
  1. Suicide binge
    Long time fiends of mine will recognize this as my equivalent to women's pre-menstrual syndrome, with the exception of mine happening every few months or so. Oh, and I don't bleed for days without dying.
  2. Bleedy ass
    Okay, so I bled this time. Due to pieces of shit with dimensions which would have put entire continents to shame coming out of my asshole. Hey, you would have bled too. We're not talking large but comfortably squeezable turds here. We're talking hard, uncompromisingly rock solid bastards with maybe some nuts(?) poking out of them. Lordy Lord, those nuts must have shredded everything in contact with them on their way out.
  3. Lack of sleep
    Been sleeping six hours for every night now. From 1am to 7am. It's not very healthy.
  4. Girlfriend in US
    At least my darling sent me some pictures of her, and I do get to hear her voice over the phone occasionally. That doesn't make it okay, of course. I still want her in at least the same country as me.
  5. Buffy
    The Complete Season 1 DVDs. To read make our speaking English better. Remember that.
  6. Taiwanese politics starring Ms. Chu Mei-Fong
    I knew from the clip I got earlier that one camera angle was bad. The problem with spycams is that you get lousy picture and no closeups. The lesson here: Taiwanese voyeur flicks are never as good as people say they are.
And that ends the weekly for the week. Next week, if we're lucky, we might get another suicide binge. Yeah baybee yeah.

Thursday, January 24, 2002

The agony continues. Today, it is The Agony in the Toilet.

Well, bloody shit pretty much sums up everything. It begins when you happily go for a nice little shit in the toilet. You sit back, relax... and one monster of a turd explodes out of your ass. Oooh, the pain. Now I know how a woman must feel when she gives birth. Naturally, a piece of shit the size of Australia is going to do some major damage en route to its little swim in the toilet bowl, and thus some flesh gets ruptured, maybe some cells get mercilessly annihilated and naturally... blood comes out.


That which your heart pumps. That which keeps you alive. That which gets splattered all over the room in first-person shooter games. That which vampires drink. That which is pretty bright red in colour, and was turning the water in the toilet bowl beneath me to a syrupy red. At any other time, I might have marvelled at the amazing ( and rather alarming ) tones of red being displayed as the drops of blood dissipated into the clear water. But Lordy Lord, the agony. Hell if it reminds me that I'm being alive, I was in farking pain.

And thus ends the lesson of The Agony in the Toilet, with the salient points listed below for your convenience:
  1. You don't talk about fight club.
  2. You don't talk about fight club.
  3. You don't talk about fight club.
Oops, wrong list.
  1. Drown yourself in prune juice.
  2. Have a ridiculously high high-fiber diet.
  3. You don't talk about fight club.
Notes: A turd as big as Australia commonly has the following properties: stinks to high heaven, leaves traces of itself at the base of the toilet bowl after it's been flushed, does not float.

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

Stupor! I must be getting old, cause 6 hours of sleep is no longer enough. Well, it's never been enough, come to think about it.

Anyway, here's another meaningless rant to break the silent block which has plagued me ever since... *sob* my girlfriend left for California. Yes, she'll be there for 3 whole months. Oh man, I'm in agony. This is painful.

To ease the pain, my Buffy Complete Season 1 DVDs has arrived. Yay. I get to see Ms. Gellar in miniskirts and even a cheerleading outfit. To offset that, meal allowances in my company has been reduced to RM5 from RM8 ( that's what you get when you stay back and do some overtime ), and retrenchment is ever a closer reality. In fact, some suspect our retrenchment might be our Chinese New Year present from the owner of the company.

Now what kind of sick bastard would do that to his fellow humans?

Friday, January 18, 2002

It just gets worse now, doesn't it?

There you are, just recovering from a suicide binge when suddenly, another bombshell drops into your lap: Retrenchment. Nothing solid yet, of course. Just rumours blowing in the wind. But you *know* that things can, and do, get shitty - fast. These days, things have an annoying way of doing that a lot.

The question now is, in the event of a retrenchment here in this company, will I get the shaft? Analysis has proven that there is a big probability that come retrenchmet season, I will be shown the exit along with some of the unfortunates here. Such pessimism becomes me, true, but I base my findings on certain facts which can no longer be denied ( nor were they ever ):
  1. It is the month of January. The last time my manager decided to talk to me about the module I'm working on was in November.
  2. I have been working on the same module since August. My deadline was in October, and no one's noticed.
  3. I have ONE module, while other department colleagues have TWO to FOUR each on an average, some more.
  4. Supervisor doesn't bother anymore with my module - my updates go unanswered, presumably unnoticed.
  5. I've complained one time too many about the lack of creamer in the coffee machine here ( seriously ).
Safe to say, I'm dispensable not by my choice, but by the choice of my managers. It's like, I've been scheduled for retrenchment the moment I got in. Maybe they should fire my managers instead for their complete absence of any management skills, but like anyone notices that.

So in the end, here's what's going to happen at my next job interview ( post-retrenchment ):

I = The Interviewer, A = Me

I: So Mr. Prose, can you tell me why your last company let you go?
A: Most certainly. I sent a letter of inquiry to HR asking them why the coffee dispenser lacked creamer in the afternoon, and HR forwarded that mail to my managers.
I: And?
A: That's it. That's why they fired me.
I: Whoa... hold up there. Let me get this straight. You company fired you because you asked them why the coffee machine had no creamer in the afternoon?
A: Well, that's not entirely correct. You could say that I was a good choice for retrenchment because of that. They have a 'No Criticism Of Management' policy there, you know.

Ah... but life can be glorious when viewed from the correct angles.

Thursday, January 17, 2002

If I had a gun now, I would put a bullet through my head. Apparently, you cannot always blame yourself for edging closer to the brink. Sometimes, it's just not your fault. Sometimes, events which are totally out of your hands just... happen.

It has been a bad time for a long time. The recession, that hideous 9-11 tragedy, hostilities breaking loose all over the world... evil begets evil, and I guess that in some ways, 9-11 just sliced open some old wounds which were actually showing signs of healing. But I digress. As I said, it has been a bad time for a long time. For me, it's been a bad time for even longer than the world. Even. Longer. And it got worse. And you know, things might actually go underground from here ( it's already waay downhill as it is ).

But, I'll make it through the long dark night, won't I? Hell, we all probably will, unless some idiot accidentally launches some spare nukes he has lying around or some roaming asteroid decides that Earth would be a good place to stop by for lunch. If we're lucky, we might even live through a nuclear holocaust. Now that would be some tale to tell the grandpups.

On Tuesday, my will to live ebbed to an absolute zero. There was no push to go on. Life had lost its sweetness, and I was looking through the eyes of eternity at everything. So in actuality, I was looking at dust everywhere. That beautiful picture with the waterfall someone forwarded to me? Dust. That game I was planning to write in Java? Dust. Cause in the end, nothing really matters. I don't care how many things you have, how much good you do - all that is going to amount to nothing when Earth dissolves under the heat of a dying sun.

That Tuesday night, Mulder resigned from the FBI on the X-Files. Deciding that pain was probably something which could jolt me back into reality, I decided to go for a rewatch of that thriller which jarred my psyche back in 1995; I slipped in my not-too-recently purchased but still unseen DVD of Se7en.

And the good Detective Somerset put things into focus: 'Ernest Hemingway once said that the world is a fine place, and worth fighting for. I agree with the second part.'

I guess I won't be shooting myself anytime soon anymore.
In a flicker of insanity, I went to remove my old blog. So there goes all those short unmomentous posts down the drain. I'm not worrying though. More where those came from. As an update, or more like, my first post here, I'm just going to state that I plan to finish Return to Castle Wolfenstein ( the fact that Chris has finished it burns into my soul ), and be exceptionally morose for the next three months as my girlfriend will be in California. Oh woe is me.