Thursday, January 24, 2002

The agony continues. Today, it is The Agony in the Toilet.

Well, bloody shit pretty much sums up everything. It begins when you happily go for a nice little shit in the toilet. You sit back, relax... and one monster of a turd explodes out of your ass. Oooh, the pain. Now I know how a woman must feel when she gives birth. Naturally, a piece of shit the size of Australia is going to do some major damage en route to its little swim in the toilet bowl, and thus some flesh gets ruptured, maybe some cells get mercilessly annihilated and naturally... blood comes out.

BLOOD.

That which your heart pumps. That which keeps you alive. That which gets splattered all over the room in first-person shooter games. That which vampires drink. That which is pretty bright red in colour, and was turning the water in the toilet bowl beneath me to a syrupy red. At any other time, I might have marvelled at the amazing ( and rather alarming ) tones of red being displayed as the drops of blood dissipated into the clear water. But Lordy Lord, the agony. Hell if it reminds me that I'm being alive, I was in farking pain.

And thus ends the lesson of The Agony in the Toilet, with the salient points listed below for your convenience:
  1. You don't talk about fight club.
  2. You don't talk about fight club.
  3. You don't talk about fight club.
Oops, wrong list.
  1. Drown yourself in prune juice.
  2. Have a ridiculously high high-fiber diet.
  3. You don't talk about fight club.
Notes: A turd as big as Australia commonly has the following properties: stinks to high heaven, leaves traces of itself at the base of the toilet bowl after it's been flushed, does not float.

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