Monday, March 04, 2002

Today is the first day of that tumultuous time known as the Tempering of the Beast. It involves controlling that inner rage which persuades me to let loose the dogs of war and floor the accelerator while on the road. It involves reigning in my anger and actually not try to cause other cars to hit other cars. It involves soothing the beast within, suppressing the homicidal urges to destroy, moderating the need for speed.

Why?

Because of my dream about Consequences last Thursday night. Consequences. When a dream stays with you - nay, HAUNTS you over the weekend, you just *know* it's a portent. You just *know* that something really weird's going on when you can still see with clarity how your hand indirectly caused the deaths of those two schoolboys. Responsibility reassumed, and the first thing I went to do was to kill some people? They didn't even deserved to die. They were just sitting on a bench waiting to get their names taken down for being late for school, damnit. The thing that disturbs me is that I didn't even bothered to remember this dream. There are dreams which I take the trouble to remember - this is not one of them. I didn't want to remember this dream. It was supposed to go away. To disappear. But it came back. With a vengeance.

Will I succeed? With the evil within be vanquished? I seriously doubt it. Already I can feel other unsavoury elements surfacing from beneath, elements which I have long suspected to be present but have never actually seen within me. They're here now ( *hysterical laughter from somewhere* ). Perhaps they were right. Perhaps in this world, good cannot win over evil.

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