Tuesday, December 09, 2003

While we await the return of the resident Lim Pek, I shall grace you all with a number from the sequel of Sound of Music:


I am sixteen
Hans is seventeen
Boy are we quite the pair
Grunting and moaning
Always we're humping
Ruffling each other's hair
He seems certain
That we aren't out of turn
Playing each other's cocks
Slurping and sucking
Our tongues entwining
Wearing just our old socks

Seriously, though I fear that we
Might someday soon get caught
Yet when I'm in his arms I'm free
My worries all for naught

He says someday
We'll go faraway
Someplace we can say "I do"
But today I'll cuddle up to him
Hans dear, I so love you.


[ Midi to sing along with ]
PS: The first part of the song isn't covered - just wait until you get to the main section of the song - you'll know if you've watched the Sound of Music before.

PPS: Hi, Hans! *wave*

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Lim Pek

Lim pek lai liao.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Prosey's Surefire Way To Get Yourself Killed Lunch #314:

  1. Make dry Maggi mee. In addition to the hot spices which came packaged with the mee, add in lots of white and black pepper. Put into plastic container ( microwave-friendly ) and bring to work.
  2. Buy a nice chunk of beef ( RM0.80) from the roti canai stall in Penang on the way to work. Since this is the puasa month, there won't be many people there.
  3. Wait until lunch rolls by.
  4. Add beef and curry to Maggi mee. Pop plastic container into microwave and heat up ( set Power Level to 600, time to 1 minute 30 seconds ).
  5. Wolf everything down in record time. Do not forget to lick up every drop of hot and deliciously spicy beef curry.
  6. Wash the food down with Neslo ( 1 packet 3-in-1 Milo, 2 teaspoons of Nescafe ).
  7. The suffering. The sweet, sweet suffering.
In retrospect, I should have washed everything down with Earl Grey instead. Oh well. There's always the 3pm cup of tea. If the beef curry and pepper combo hasn't burned a hole out of my stomach yet.

Oh God. Can you feel that? That's the beef curry and the hot spices playing hide and seek with each other in my intestines.

Coming soon: Prosey's Symphony of Pain & Agony in the Toilet No. 32

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

On the "Early Morning With Prosey" show today:

I have a little ulcer, small and white
It gives me headaches and fills me with spite
When the food is salty, hear me shout
This ulcer's murder, without a doubt.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

TechTest: Thumbnail Popups
Because us brooding dark avenger types take time off to screw around the Web too.
Hey grandma
Big dick!
She jacked it OFF

Darke's grandma. Looking as darke as eva.

Woman: "And his dick was SO big. True story, swear to God!"

The consequences of letting a tennis player jack you off. It's all in the wrist, baby.

PS: With much apologies to PhotoSig.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Roswell season 3.
Dark Angel season 2.
Ah. Life.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Can I have some ice for my ass please?

I really, really hate shitting fire. Oops, did I say fire? More like volcano-fresh lava. The agony the pain IT BURNS IT BURNS! To give credit where it's due, I'll have to thank Yours Truly for this latest episode of Ass Gone Hot. First, there's the "chilli padi is the end-all and be-all of spices" mentality which MoronMe had during the cooking experiments. Rice tastes bland? Throw in more chilli padi! Fun for the whole family! And then, there's that infatuation with hot English mustard. For the HOT and BITEY flavour. I can tell you which part of my body feels hot and bitey right now. Scorchingly hot and bitey, in fact. Last but not least, Indian rice for yesterday's dinner as part of the pre-Buffy finale celebrations. Complete with God knows how many different curries, all of them hot. Oh, did I mention the curry mee I had for breakfast today?

Yay misery me. I'm just sitting down now. Having lots of water. Reflecting on today's two hot and lovely toilet trips so far ( where the one known as Nicholas Prose visited hell ). And so not looking forward to the next time I take the throne and excrete dark greenish chunks coated with my very own personal brand of flaming hot peri-peri sauce.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

That Hong Kong dog is doing very well to make me look inadequate. Sometimes, I wish that I had shoved him out of the window when I was in the Hong Kong office ( seventeen floors should be enough to kill anybody ). Then I wouldn't be here now, and you wouldn't be reading this. What difference a week can make sometimes. Now I sit here debating if I should give management more reasons to fire me. Doubtful that anything at this point would get me anywhere - I can see how retaliation on my part will play out, and there's no way I can win. Except for the one involving a plane ticket to Hong Kong and me dragging that scum along with me as I do a Leslie out of the main office ("We go to hell together, bitch!") - in that scenario, I do humanity a favour by helping to rid the world of two of its least desirable elements.

But this is not a world of heroes. This is a world where the selfish and the heartless step over everyone else and where no one really gives a shit about what happens to their fellow men. There's no such thing as a good person - the only good people are either found in secluded villages away from civilization or, more realistically, they've all been battered into dull-eyed participants of the mockery we call society.

That said, someone should hasten the end of the world. There's no such thing as an innocent left in this world, and we really would all be better off soaking up the flames in hell.


Sigh. Yes, that is a rant. No, I don't really believe that there are no good people left in this world, although I'm slowly getting there. Bitterness sets in after awhile in life.

In other news, Buffy season 6 and Angel season 3 ends tonight on Star World. They'll be screening Dark Angel season 2 ( final season - it was shelved after this ) and Roswell season 3 ( final season too ) next. Dark Angel is not Angel gone dark, nor is it about an Indian or African-American Angel.

Friday, September 26, 2003

As I sit here awaiting the return of His Darkeness, I remain fascinated by my fingernails. Amazing how they grow when you don't munch on them like they're Twisties. Small little bits of nail are beginning to grow out of them - I can now scratch the surface of my skin and leave little marks on it, but not effectively. Yet. I guess it's time to break out the nail file. Must keep them nice and even for the inevitable scratching later on. Although, truth be told, my nails are now very tempting. Today alone, I caught myself pulling my fingers away from my mouth in horror on more than a few occasions. I mean, toenails, they grow big enough for you to just pluck-and-peel-and-flick them off. But fingernails? Immense biteability. IMMENSE. Who can resist!

Thursday, September 25, 2003

I can't get the smell of the onions off my hands. Oh God, this is how murder is like, right? I know how murderers feel now. They can't get the smell of blood off their hands after they stab their victims to death. Me, I sliced up an onion REAL GOOD. Diced some parts of it into tiny little cubes, in fact. And now that oniony smell is here to stay. I'll be constantly reminded of my sin for the rest of my life. No amount of washing can ease my conscience.

Or maybe I should just use more soap.

In other news, I suspect that I twisted a leg muscle while lounging in my chair at work yesterday. Everytime I put some weight on my right leg, it's AAAAARGH. Sure, I can still drive a car and walk from the carpark to my house / workplace, but like last night, when I was standing around the hall and watching that episode of Buffy where Faith switched bodies with her? Accidentally shifted my weight to the right leg and it was Return to the Land of Inhumanly High-pitched Shrieking. Just like how the little children* do it, complete with post-shriek whining.

Memo to Diane: Do not attempt to emulate Buffy-Faith fight scenes with a twisted leg muscle.

*: This in no way means I like to play with little children. It's just that I'm pretty experienced at dropping heavy stuff on the toes of tiny toddlers.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

And today, heh heh, I fried mee. Complete with oil, garlic, onions, chilli sauce and both light and dark ( heavy? ) soya sauce. The verdict? Not salty enough, but that was easily remedied with some light soya sauce. Apart from that, it was... bland. Yes, tasteless. But I don't mind. Now I can cook!

Yeah. Lame. I bet some people out there could cook the moment they pushed their way out of their mother's womb. I'm not one of them. But damnit, I'm learning how to cook my own food. That is, if I don't end up in the hospital tomorrow with food poisoning *gulp*.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Many thanks to Joie for pointing out that my comments were not working properly! In fact, they haven't been working for a long time now ( since my trip to Hong Kong ). That's the reason why I haven't been replying to comments - I thought there weren't any ( Comments[0] all the time kinda gives you that impression ).

Anyway, thank you to all those who have taken the time to add their comments here, and I apologize for a) not realizing that something was wrong sooner and b) having not replied to the earlier comments. My bad. *self-flagellates naked body*

Today in history: I FRIED EGGS ( and the kitchen didn't go down in flames )
Coming soon: I FRIED RICE ( and I didn't land up in the hospital after eating it )
My eyes finally fell out of alignment in a very obvious manner. My left eye now is slightly crooked. Sigh. First time ever I take up the fight against negative emotions and this happens. Unsightly physical marring. The almost-constant grimaces are warping my face too. Or maybe I'm getting fat. But the eyes? Way out of alignment.

I also have these weird scratches on my face, but I think that's because of my nails. Yes, today is the third day since I've attempted to stop my nail-biting habits. Not because it's a bad habit. Not because it's unhealthy. But because it gives me something to think about. I don't know how many people do it, but one of the ways to keep your mind off recent most unpleasant aspects of your life is to stop a bad habit. You go something like "Oh woe is me, life is horrible, I think I'm going to kill myself... NO. BAD FINGERS. NO BITING. BAD BAD FINGERS. *time passes...* Oh dear, I'm living in hell, I might as well go there altogether... *SLAP* BAD. NO BITING. KEEP FINGERS AWAY FROM MOUTH."

It does help a little. Really. Nowadays, I spend a lot of time admiring my growing nails ( omg dey r so pr3tty! ). Soon, instead of making vague clawing actions at people, I can actually claw them. Yay me.

Back to my unaligned eyes. I can think of one person who had rather unaligned eyes after something momentous ( in a negative impact way ) happened in her life. Judging from what happened after, the prognosis for us screwed-by-life unaligned-eyes folks seems pretty good.

So THERE you go. Hope for those who have none. We'll continue to fight the good fight. Bring light to the darkness. Help the hopeless. It's just that, you know, I never expected me to someday be one of the hopeless.

Thus bringing us to the Lesson of the Day: Pride Cometh Before the Fall.

Remember that, children, cause this could one day happen to you too.

Monday, September 22, 2003

New sexual perversion category: necropaedoralsnufhomobestianalincestorgyphilia

I *know* I might have missed out a few categories there, so don't bug me if your favourite perversion isn't there. It's been a long long Sunday-Monday transition, I just wasted an hour of my life reading a useless document sent to me by an ignorant salesguy, and I am human I need to be loooved, just like everybody else does.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Diane, Sunday September 21st, 2003. Felt sick the whole of yesterday - the usual splitting headache due to the cold. Note to self: Cold is not always your friend - sometimes, it can kill. Also, fried rice with duck egg proved near fatal. Saturday night turned into a hellish nightmare of pain and suffering. Stomach returned to normal at midnight. Suspected semi-food poisoning - either the prawns, the egg or the chilli. Not an isolated event - sister suffered too because she ate the same thing.

Spent the whole of today getting Charmed by the Halliwell sisters. Rotten day overall apart from hanging with the sisters. Feeling better now in the night. Suspicions raised about me being a creature of the night.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Don't you just love them cool rainy nights? You, the rain outside, thunder in the distance, the cool wind blowing around the house, George Romero's 'Day of the Dead' playing on the computer ( with the zombies going "gaa... gaa... gaa..." ), the neighbour's windows shutting because of the wind... it's a very relaxed way to spend the very early hours of Saturday. So maybe the rain did catch me by surprise. I rushed to the balcony to take in the clothes because seriously? Not really expecting another downpour after Friday's extremely wet and slippery ( in a rainy sense ) morning. Of course, 'take in the clothes' session was followed by 'deliciously hot shower' session. Because hot showers are always best when it's all cold and rainy outside. Brr... nice cool wind.

And I have this sudden craving for economy rice. In fact, I'm looking forward to a hefty plate of economy rice for my next lunch. Is it odd? Do other people look forward to eating economy rice? I can't say for sure, for though the thought of anticipating a relatively mundane meal might sound strange, it just seems so right.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Weekend countdown: 1 day to go

But I took leave today, so technically, the festivities have started.

Weekend countdown: NOW

Sadly, not much done today. It's been a cold and dreary day, the kind that makes you want to just lie down in bed and hibernate. Which, come to think about it, was what I did for the better part of the afternoon. Sleep. Rest for the weary.

I knew it. It is the weekend, and all I want to do is lie down and wait for it to pass.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Weekend Countdown: 2 days to go

My Marmite-enriched meal last night was temporarily postponed to this morning's breakfast. I stopped by the economy rice stall when I reached home yesterday evening, and they had the juiciest looking ladies' fingers all nicely chopped up and oozing curry. Who could resist that?

On lunch detail today I had sandwiches. Prepared by Yours Truly. I've come a long way since my cornflakes and peanut butter and cheese sandwiches. Now it's Marmite on toast, cheese and margarine with toast and last but not least, a burger bun with garlic spread. Maybe toast wasn't such a good idea. My sandwiches had the texture of hard cardboard when I bit into them just now. Me tugging hard on the bread with my teeth brought to mind those National Geographic documentaries of the Serengeti lions having their meals.

Now that homemade sandwiches have been proven to be a viable lunch option, I think I'll move on to cooking stuff so that I can have a better meal. This does entail waking up earlier than usual just so that I'll have enough time to prep the food, cook it and wash everything up nicely. My father will not take kindly to our resident ants throwing a gala in the kitchen amidst the unwashed dishes. That aside, cooking could be worth it. Homemade fried egg with homemade fried mee for lunch? /drool.

Therefore, tomorrow might see the advent of the Incredible Omelette Experiments ( version 0.01a ). And if that doesn't spell the end of me, the future might even lead to Incredible Omelette & Mushrooms Experiments ( as recommended by William Von Darke ). Bon Appétit to me ( or Bon Voyage, given my track record at cooking ).

And now, for today's Words of Wisdom of the Day Award...
"If you start seeing other mushrooms growing on your mushroom, don't eat it."
- Chef Darke

Wise words indeed, whether it applies to real mushrooms or some guy's little mushroom.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Weekend Countdown: 3 days to go

Today on Prosey's NewsBytes...

I'm suffering from Marmite withdrawal symptoms. It's been sometime since my last bowl of Marmite soup. I put too much Marmite in at that one time and ended up unable to shit for a few days ( too much salt ). But I've learned. Marmite is to be taken in small doses. Like my planned dinner tonight. Marmite spreaded thinly - T-H-I-N-L-Y - on toasted bread. Maybe I can dig out some mushroom soup ( Campbell's ) for that extra oomph. Mmm... marmite.

Read about Marmite, or visit the official site.

Farewell O Noble Team Lead
Our team lead left the company on Monday. There goes the Johnny Depp lookalike. At least, he bears a slight resemblance to Johnny Depp's character in 'From Hell'. Nice guy, that. A new guy came in at the beginning of this month to take over Johnny Depp's project. And now that guy has been given the office keys. He's in for two weeks and he gets the office keys. I've been waiting for the office keys ever since I got in and the only time I'm given it is when the keyholders go on holiday. That's not all though. This new guy, he's friendly. Very friendly. Not friendly as in the "Come here let me give you a backrub" friendly, which would give me ample reason to bash his skull in with my keyboard. But friendly in a "I want to know everything you're doing" friendly. Maybe I'm being a little too hard on him. He might really be a nice guy. But at the moment, I still get these urges to kick him out of the window.

Find out more about Johnny Depp, or find out if you're an annoying colleague.

9.30pm: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
10.30pm: The Dead Zone

Get to know Buffy, or enter the Dead Zone.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Weekend Countdown: 4 days to go

And what happens when we reach the weekend? Quiet contemplation in the isolated sanctity of my abode, before the week begins anew. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.

Today we deal with the consequences of consecutive late nights. Barely coherent thoughts, constant dozing off, stinging eyes, the suicidal ordering of a large glass of teh tarik during my roti canai breakfast. So large a glass, in fact, that I am still full at a time when I should be wolfing down Twiggies. Perhaps it is the roti canai which overexpanded in my stomach after it mixed with the teh tarik ( which was too sweet ).

So here I am. Sleepy - I want to lie down and quietly pass away but that probably isn't acceptable in the office. Bloated - the teh tarik is still sloshing around my stomach with the half-digested remains of the roti canai swimming in it. Actually, the bloatedness is making me feel sick. I have this aftertaste of washing soap ( of all things ) at the back of my throat - quite a nausea-inducing taste, and the more water I drink to wash it down, the more bloated I get. Yay.

Monday, September 15, 2003

Weekend Countdown: 5 days to go

Not that I really bother with the weekend, but it gives me something to look forward to.

This morning was bright. Insanely bright. Bright in the "Tara ( God bless her soul ) serenading Willow in the park" bright. Surreal. KOMTAR reflected sunlight on me when I drove towards the traffic lights. The sun was so bright I couldn't even keep it in the peripheral of my vision. But when I woke up this morning, it was cool and nice. Like those wonderful December mornings during the school holidays of old. Makes you want to break out into song when you step out into the cold morning air and see a brilliantly bright Georgetown before you.

That's just outside, though. It's always brighter outside, isn't it? Except for the nights, when it's brighter inside. And even that gets dark after awhile.

Saturday, September 06, 2003

Today Antonio Babgafa got married. Von Darke cried at the wedding dinner.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

After all this time, I've finally found the lyrics. Not that it's of any use anymore. But you folks can sing it to your babies to lull them to sleep.

Brahm's Lullaby

Lullaby and good night
In the sky stars are bright
Close your eyes
Start to yawn
Pleasant dreams until the dawn

Close your eyes now and rest
Lay your head on my breast
Go to sleep now and rest
May your slumber be blest

- ( Listen )

Too little, too late. Maybe if I had found the lyrics above earlier, I wouldn't have to produce my own version below. Mine doesn't rhyme. My lyrics might be a little disjointed. Doesn't matter. It's just a song you can sing your suicidal babies to sleep with.

Prosey's Lullaby

Step away, from the ledge
You know that she's not worth it
Put that knife down
Come away
Slitting wrists won't solve your case

And your pain, will fade away
All you need is just time
Smile a bit, take some rest
Live to see another day.

- to the tune of Brahm's Lullaby

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

I needed something to live for. I needed a reason to go on. I needed a purpose, and for my sins, He gave me one.

Monday, August 25, 2003

Despair has this special way of clinging to the heart, dragging it down further. Making every shadow behind the throne an assasin. It is the blade which twists slowly in the heart, killing hope where hope may lie. It amplifies every little thing wrong in life, turning an average loser into a complete failure. Despair is the killer of the rational, that which destroys those who think things through but still can't transcend all the misery and the pain. Despair is the swift conqueror of they who live in the solitude of the shadows in the gloom.

There is now despair - quiet, but growing. The sinking feeling I've been living with for the past one month is today compounded by a constricting sensation around the throat. There are these nice stretches in life when everything's bright and sunny. One day, dark clouds cover the sun and you get a little drizzle. And then the rain comes. The pouring rain. The heavy, torrential, pouring rain. The rain becomes a deluge, and pretty soon there'll be no more ground to stand on. And you're still left on that swiftly vanishing earth, alone in that empty world of your own.

Today, the weary drizzle turned into a thunderstorm most worrying. There might be a ray of sun somewhere. Or this time, it could be the Great Flood again, except that Noah hasn't finished drawing the schematics for the ark.

Despair. Is not a good place to be in.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Vodka. Apocalypse Now.

The horror. The horror.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Pain. Pain does strange things to a mind. Tie a ticklish man up and torture him with a little white feather. Strap a girl down on a cold steel table and slowly skin her with a shaving razor, layer by layer of skin. I believe that in time, the pain gets too much for the mind to bear, and the person in pain goes mad. Goes insane. Cuckoo.

Pain need not be physical. There's always the more subtle non-physical torture which leaves no visible marks save that dull look in the eyes. And occasionally some drool. People do go mad this way sometimes. Day after day of unforgivingly self-flagellating inner turmoil. If life were a song, these periods of mindnumbing chaos would be those parts where someone just bangs down on the piano keys haphazardly without any thought to rhythm or tune. Yes, that's how life would be. Or maybe very loud synthesizers crashing away senselessly amidst the painfully discordant sounds of a madman at the drums. Very jarring effect. No harmony. No meaning. Nothing.

Pain warps your mind after awhile. Like pus festering in a wound, it poisons and infects everything else. Gangrene takes effect soon enough. A gangrenous mind is a wonder to behold - a terrible wonder, but a wonder no less. The self, fragmented by the trauma, is torn down, reassembled, ripped apart, reconstructed, disintegrated, rebuilt - again and again and again. Remake - more pain - mentality warped further - shatter. Repeat. Each time the self is remade, something goes missing. Or something is recreated wrong. The only person capable of bringing this cycle to a halt - the person undergoing the agony - cannot always stop it effectively.

Unwatched, the cycle will begin again, long after the healing process is thought to have begun. And torment begins anew.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

The road. The road is a Zen-like place of contemplation. Only on the road can I achieve a higher state of spiritual existence, where reality becomes as lucid as it gets, and the mysteries of life become crystal clear. For on the road, there's only me... my car... and every-bloody-body else who thinks they have the right farking way over me.

Mind you, not everyone's a self-absorbed roadhog. People like the Simoniac know their place in the world. They know just where they fit into the Grand Scheme of the Road. The Simoniac, for your information, keeps to the pavements when he's not travelling at Warp 10. Now THAT is a most agreeable solution. A Prose-sanctioned solution, even.

But not everyone is as conscientious a model citizen of the byways, the highways, the alleyways and the pavementways as the Simoniac. I know quite a few who like nothing better than to cut in in front of me and travel at 20km/h. Hello? There should be a law which makes it illegal for people to travel below 60km/h when the road in front of them is totally devoid of everything. OR, what about the dilapidatedly decrepit uncles and aunties who find sinfully gleeful pleasure in riding / driving in the middle of the road, right in front of you, OH SO VERY VERY GOD SPARE US THIS TORMENT PLEASE SLOWLY? To add to the agonizing frustration, they don't bother to heed the frustrated high-lightings of yours truly. I sometimes have to resort to blaring my horn just to get those overaged numbskull rider drivers out of my way. And they don't always get out of the way ( major discontentment issue here ). Senile people should be banned - YES, FREAKIN' FARKING BANNED - from the roads if they don't know how to a) drive / ride faster or b) keep to the bloody slow lane if they plan to take their own tortoise sweet time.

/hates, people. /hates. And what about the dickwads who park their vehicles right smack in the middle of the road? Think that's impossible? In Penang, where the roads are narrower than a virgin ass, that's all too possible. Especially when some braindead lorry driver decides to offload his goods on a road just big enough to accommodate one car right in the middle of rush hour.

It. Really. Makes. You. Wish. That. Gun. Laws. Were. More. Relaxed. In. Bloody. Malaysia.

To be fair, mucho gratitude to my fellow road warriors who abide by the rules of the road by travelling at lightspeed while avoiding accidents with the deftness and grace of a natural ballerina on opening night. They might be Cinabengs. They might be Malay punks. They might be Indian babaloos. They might even drive on the pavements and scare the still warm shit out of unsuspecting pedestrians. But what they are NOT - is slow. And slowness, that I can't abide.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Good news, everyone! Malaysia's fourth television station is coming to town soon.

Channel 9 to start trial broadcast on Friday

As usual, those lucky folks down in the Klang Valley will get it first. Hopefully, the tests will be successful and the entire peninsula will receive transmission within a month. And you know why? Because they'll be screening 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. That's right. Buffy.

This is an eXcellent opportunity for you people who never had the chance to watch Buffy ( or never bothered to when it's being screened on Astro ) to catch one of television's finest series. The naysayers might tell you that it's just about a teenage girl who goes around killing monsters every week - but they're usually the ones who just caught a few stray episodes or who've never even watched it before.

Give Buffy a chance! You might grow to like her!

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

You're right, Leeann. We can. I can.

Friday, August 01, 2003

Fever: Gone
Appendicitis: Negative ( confirmed )
Mind: Gone a-wandering
Stomach: Pretty much settled
When I fart: I shit
Excretion description: Water the colour of curry-flavoured Maggi Mee
Yesterday: Medical leave expired
Today: Took personal leave
Reason: Refusing to shit in my pants during work


Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I spent last night in Lam Wah Ee hospital, ward 324A, under observation for suspected appendicitis. Wasn't fun. My sister brought up the fact that yesterday marked the first day of the Hungry Ghost month, but even that couldn't raise my spirits. Fever. Fever can bring a man down. Spent most of the time in a sullen slumber. The fever made everything way too cold. Couldn't even warm up my own bed. It did go down later in the night though. My relatives and Mich C dropped by, providing some welcomed company. But the night itself? The kind of feverish drifting in and out of sleep which renders a person unable to concentrate on anything. For some reason, the television seemed to have jumbled up 'Malcolm in the Middle' and 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. And that daft headache which has been dogging me since yesterday is still appearing every now and then.

In the end, it wasn't appendicitis. Probably food poisoning from the expired chocolate I ate on Monday night. See what happens when you're greedy? Greed put me into an icy ward where they stuck needles into me, took out some of my blood, ultrasounded me like a pregnant lady and basically made me very very miserable. They even put me on a liquid diet which lasted 24 hours. My stomach's all bloated with water and Milo now. So bloated, in fact, that when I got home, the first fart I had was actually me purging water out of my ass. I actually had to go handwash that underwear.

Monday, July 21, 2003

morally deficient
Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, July 17, 2003

It's over. IT'S ALL OVER. Last night, the stars in the sky dimmed and blotted out. Again, I walk under starless nights. Yay me. Look at me. I'm pathetic. I can't even write English right anymore. Now, I really hate posting lyrics on my blog unless I've mangled them first or I wrote them myself, but I can't really write down all that is needed to elucidate my feelings at this dark, despondent moment in time. But at least this post will be a sing-a-long ( for those of you who know the tune ). So, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, thanks for this:

Anything but lonely
Anything but empty rooms
There's so much in life to share -
What's the sense when no one else is there?

Anything but lonely
Anything but only me
Quiet years in too much space
That's the thing that's hard to face

You have a right to go
But you should also know
That I won't be alone for long
Long days with nothing said
Are not what lie ahead -
I'm sorry, but I'm not that strong.

Anything but lonely
Anything but passing time
Lonely's what I'll never be
While there's still some life in me

I'm still young, don't forget
It isn't over yet -
So many hearts for me to thrill.

If you're not here to say
How good I look each day
I'll have to find someone who will.

Anything but lonely
Anything but empty rooms
There's so much in life to share -
What's the sense when no one else is there?

- "Anything But Lonely", Aspects of Love

And right after this, Rose ( the singer of this song ) tried to get Alex ( the guy she was singing to ) to promise NOT to leave her. And that pretty much sums up my feelings. Pathetic, much?

Saturday, July 12, 2003

I made it back to Penang. Somehow, I think my plane should have crashed while I was on it.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Tuesday night, I tried walking to Causeway Bay to get a Miriam Yeung CD for my sister. Sadly, I went in the wrong direction. In retrospect, I think the electric tram which my HK colleague, his girlfriend and I took on Sunday night went round the block. Yes, that would explain why the direction it was facing when we got off was the direction of Causeway Bay, and not the opposite direction. Gah. I did see a whole lot of stuff though. Hong Kong is so depressing if you look up from street level. It's like Metropolis Rifle Range - old dirty ugly flats looming over the streets. To be fair, my HK colleague told me that the area I was living in was pretty old. Which would explain the rather Rifle Range-ish look.

Anyway, better luck on last night. Okay, so I got sidetracked a little and ended up next to the sea where there were a whole lot of boats. I should have realized that something was amiss when the path I was on was totally devoid of life. Well, not totally devoid - there were these two guys with their dogs and an old man walking around, but that's considered dead by Hong Kong standards.

So. Made it to Victoria Park, headed for the other side of the park and right in front of me was HMV, that store which had everything from the complete seasons of Buffy / Angel / Star Trek to some really weird soundtrack CDs ( got the Miriam Yeung 'Make Up' CD from there ). Then it was off to Times Square ( I needed to know that I could find my way there ), and when I left it, I lost my bearings. In fact, I actually walked in the wrong direction again. Decided to play it safe at the last moment though, and I got back on track again to the park. But it was dark by then. And that was how laziness and the unexplainable urge to catch 'Charmed' on Star World forced me to take the MTR for the first time.

Life in a hotel room is pretty cool. I haven't lived in a hotel for such a long time. And living alone! Okay, high creepiness factor when I go out late at night. Living on the 19th floor, the floor's almost always empty. It's hard to keep thoughts of 'The Shining' out of my mind. Not too sure what I'm going to do if I suddenly see two young female twins standing at the end of the coridor. Brr.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Urgh. I feel sick. Probably too much meat for lunch. I had assorted meat with salted egg with rice along with the staple cup of Coke. The food was okay - I really need to try out their dim sum and their roasted geese, since people keep telling me that it's REALLY good. I'm beginning to seriously doubt this "food in Hong Kong is eXcellent" propaganda - granted, the Coke in McDonald's isn't watered down and the food comes in pretty big portions ( and proportionately big price tags ), but that's it so far. I really want to experience the "one bite and I want some more" food. The last time this happened was with the round dim sum thingies in Shang Palace, Penang. One bite and I wanted to finish the whole tray.

Conference call last night, so the company okayed 24 hours of broadband in the hotel for me. A good thing, yes. But it'll all be over by 5.30pm today. So back to being Connectionless Me. The conference call was a killer though. We were kept up so long that now during training, me and my colleague are both rather fatigued. Lack of sleep does that to you.

Monday, July 07, 2003

Hong Kong. Yes, I have arrived. I have checked into the hotel. I have gone to Causeway Bay to look for a Sammi Cheng CD for my little sister. And now I'm in the training room, where I thankfully have Net access ( farking HK80 per day for broadband in that stingy hotel ).

Firstly, ARRIVAL. I chose 'Blazing Saddles' as the inflight movie - that kept me awake. The Hong Kong airport was pretty impressive. They had their own trains inside the airport itself. BUT. The luggage delivery system was inefficient, and someone should really fix the PA system up.

HOTEL. Nice, reasonable, they have Star World ( THANK GOD OMG THANK GOD WE HAVE BUFFY ), so if I can escape from my company on Thursday night, I'll get to watch this week's episodes of Buffy and Angel. That is a good thing. The bathtub could have been a little bigger though. It's too shallow for me to totally submerge myself in comfortably hot water.

So. After many many many years, I'm back in Hong Kong. Actually, I'm having problems adjusting to the fact that I'm in Hong Kong. Sure, there are those little things like an increase in the lack of courtesy sector. Otherwise, everything's pretty familiar here. Cantonese? Helloo, Ipoh. Bright lights, big city? Helloo, KL. It's just much bigger, much brighter, has much more people, much busier and most importantly, much older. It's jarring, sometimes. Down on street level things look bright, but look higher and you see old windows, dirty old walls, old buildings. There's a certain creepiness to it all. Nothing I can't deal, though.

And the girls? The many pretty girls which Hong Kong supposedly has? So far, they look like normal Chinese girls to me. Are they pretty? Nothing special. But I did see a few people who looked like some people I know back home. And I think I'm seeing some facial patterns here. A lot of HK guys I saw looked like the air steward in the plane which flew me in. Maybe it's the beady eyes, the pimples and the funny-coloured hair.

Perhaps the best part about Hong Kong so far is the weather. That wonderfully warm and humid weather of Malaysia in the end / beginning of the year. Bright sun, but not blatantly hot. I knew this week was going to be bearable the moment I stepped out of the air-conditioned airport into the open air. In fact, still having problems realizing I'm in Hong Kong. I keep thinking I'm in a KL with a whole lot of Chinese all speaking Cantonese. Maybe I'm getting way too jaded.

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Right. No last minute escapes for me. Flight ticket in hand, bags semi-packed, body's itching from the dustmites living in the bags ( oh no, I'm going to itch like mad in HK )... ah, I'm so not ready to go. But the maps are already printed out, the money has been changed and really, I don't want to go. But go I must. To venture into the depths of Hell Kong. To do what must be done. It's a tough job. Well, maybe not that tough. But a sucky job, on the grounds that I don't want to do it. Anyway, not much use bitching about it anymore. My HK counterpart said that he'll try to make my life there as unboring as possible. I might have come off a tad too serious, cause he thinks that I'm just there for work. Which is what I intend to do. Apart from the computer manuals I copied up to my notebook. And the *cough* episodes of Alias which I'll probably bring over. Oh damnit I forgot to copy over the D20 Modern SRD. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLOODY CARELESS!

Anyway, if I don't make it back from Hell Kong due to unforeseen circumstances ( blaze of glory, joined the young and the dangerous, quarantined in HK forever, SARS 2 ), this is Nicholas Prose signing off.

Monday, June 30, 2003

Discovered in office fridge today: One forgotten can of Coke
Maximum lifetime expectancy: Tomorrow afternoon

Dealing with stuff can happen in a lot of ways. You can grief. You can submerge yourself in work. You can undergo a redefinition of your life. You can jack off till your dick falls off ( or wither away, depending on which venereal disease you're currently having ). Or, you could even spend the whole night mass murdering Chinese warriors in a battlefield as a Dynasty Warrior.

There's a lot of rage in life. A lot of anger. And the best way to deal isn't always as clear-cut as one would like it to be. After watching Hulk yesterday, I do so want to grow into a green giant and go bounce around the place. I imagine it must be very liberating. Of course, I'll need to get caught in the blast of a gamma experiment gone wrong for that to happen. So. Probably no jolly green giant transformations for me in the literal sense. In the figurative sense, ah...

The company's sending me to Hell Kong. Training, apparently. There is much reluctance on my part. I see unnecessary expenditures on the horizon, and for one whole week ( that's the duration of the time I'll be there ), my life will be thrown into disarray as I'm forced to bear with the inconvenience of being somewhere I do not want to be. Someone told me that I should be thankful that I even get to travel. I say there's nothing to be thankful for if I do not want to travel in the first place. Not to Hell Kong, of all places. I want to go take pictures of the Tower of London. Roll all over the rolling hills of Scotland ( as advertised by Von Darke, but he might have been distracted by the ubiquitious sheep there ). Sail down the Nile. I don't want to go back to HK. I don't see the appeal of the place. What's there in HK which I might be interested to see in whatever little time there is left in between my training sessions? Ocean Park? There won't be enough time to go anywhere but back to the hotel after the training every day. And knowing those HK folks, they probably work late anyway. Sigh. More overtime ( unpaid, of course ) on the horizon.

An employee's got to do what his employers want him to do though. I've made my feelings about the matter known to my management - I hope they're still deciding if they want to send me or someone else. An unhappy employee does not an easily trained employee make. Not that anyone else here is even remotely interested to go to HK. Unlike everyone else who keep telling me that they would like to exchange places with me in regards to the HK trip ("Why don't you want to go? It's Hong Kong! You stupid fool, this is a brilliant opportunity!"), my colleagues know the score. They know how the only other places you'll get to see there apart from your hotel room is the seminar room where the training will be held and the insides of the HK main office. You want to shop? Only if you're lucky enough.

Get this right. My trip to Hell Kong is not a vacation. It is a working trip where I'll be marginally trained in the basics of some obscure application and be expected to know every single thing about it when I get back. There will be no happy outings. There will be no visits to Ocean Park. There will only be the hotel room, the HK office, the training room ( which could be in the HK office itself ), the airport and maybe a few eating places. If I am lucky, I'll be able to go back to my hotel room right after the training sessions everyday. If I'm luckier still, my hotel room will have Astro, and I'll get to watch Buffy and Angel on Thursday night. Chances are, I'll end up working late with the rest of the HK folks. Fun is not the adjective to describe this trip. Valid adjectives are painful, miserable, lonely, exploitative, rage-inducing and extremely uncomfortable. There will be money - my money - spent for no other reason than this trip. Money that I cannot get refunded. There are very few positive outcomes which can come out of this trip. One of them involves me saving the plane from potential militant hijackers with an Arnold-like German anti-terrorist trainee called Klaus and a leggy red-haired French uberbabe called Alexis. The other involves my plane crashing into the sea resulting in my most untimely death - this might not sound too positive, but at least I'll never have to tolerate yet another trip to Hell Kong.

Have I made it obvious enough? I do not want to go on this trip. I am most unhappy about it.

It's my blog so I'll bitch if I want to
Bitch if I want to
Bitch if I want to
You would bitch too if it happened to you.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Yet another advertisement to expand, lengthen and enlarge myself safely and naturally. Bah.

They closed down Times in FIMA / Penang Plaza / Giant. This probably won't mean a thing to anyone, but for me... ah, it cuts deep. All those wonderful hours spent browsing through those books with that cold air-con. That place had the Forgotten Realms and Dragonlance novels, the graphic novel of David Gemmell's Legend ( a graphic novel, I shit you not, and I saw it there ), Fighting Fantasy books, Fighting Fantasy's Titan, 2000ADs, Famous 5(!), Enid Blytons and so much more. I even saw the Roswell books there a long time before I watched the series. And in the early days, that was where I got my GI Joe and Transformers comics ( among other titles, which included Marvel's What If?, Spider-Man, Batman, Alf and etc. ).

The end. Now I know how some folks feel about the Galleria. It's never been the same after the quake of '94. The same can be said of Times too - of late, its selections haven't been as awe-inspiring as they once was. But it was still home. Everytime I walked into it, I got that "hmm I wonder if they have any good new stuff". Times in Island Plaza might look 'classy' and it might come with Buffy trade paperbacks, but it's just not the same. It's not freezing cold. It's not bright. I just can't get that "ooh bookshop I'm so excited let's see what's new" feeling when I step into it. It's just not the bookshop. This is so depressing on so many levels.

I guess all the best things in life live on in our memories. All good things come to an end, and when they do, the passing of time and the harsh realities of the present gloss them over and they end up as golden memories.

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

It's raining. Rain at midnight usually puts me into a mood most unfit for company. Now, though, I just feel empty and listless. Poor Canny Ong has not gone unnoticed. It only serves to drive in the fact yet again that the world is not a safe place. It's never been a safe place, really. People die everyday, sometimes in large numbers at the hands of other people. Humans inflict vicious acts against their own kind ( and other kinds too, but the systematic extinction of non-humanoid lifeforms is usually only taken note by a few conservation groups ). Sigh. What a happy species we are.

Friday, June 20, 2003

What the- They removed Tara's song from the Buffy musical! How could they! It was one of my favourites ( another one's Tara and Gile's duet, and the ensemble number Walk Through The Fire and aargh I think I like everything in that episode )! The musical's one love ballad ( a darn good one too ), and the censors snipped it off because it was from a girl to another girl? Oh man, can you just feel the homophobic love oozing out from the censorship department? Okay okay, so maybe Tara and Willow's relationship did make more than a few girls think that lesbianism and Wicca is cool, but that number was art! Art, I tell you, art showcasing Amber Benson's very talented vocals! Right from the dreamy bright lighting down to the dancing in the park Tamil movie elements! Oh well. Maybe the usually dumb censors caught on to the floating girl-girl action. Sigh.


Thursday, June 19, 2003

Tuesday was like, banking day. I toured the banks of Penang, updating some rather dormant accounts and trying to get all my ATM cards changed to the new bank card. The weather helped a lot by being rainy - my journey was wet and chilly, but at least I didn't have to bake under an uncaring sun. Ambank and Southern Bank were out of cards ( come back next month, sir, cause the deadline has been extended to September ), but Maybank changed my card for me right there and then ( albeit after a short wait at the Customer Service desk ), while BSN promised to send me a letter in a week's time to come collect my brand new matrix card or something. I also went to the EPF office to name my next of kin - if I somehow have to sacrifice my life to save the world from destruction, my EPF money won't go to the government, but to my parents.

Last night, I watched episodes three and four of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, and I'll have to admit - they're eXcellent! Maybe I was a little bit duh back in the days of the original TMNT, but now I see more clearly defined personalities in the four turtles. Donatello isn't all that cool anymore, Michaelangelo is actually funny, Raphael has some serious rage issues ( Ralph and Casey Jones have... uh, chemistry ) and Leonardo's in the potentially cool leader category. I'm finally getting the hang of Splinter's accent after four episodes, and April's still a babe, though she's no longer with Channel 6. And when the title theme tells us to watch out for Shredder, it's really serious, cause Shredder seems waaay more sinister than the bumbling fool of the old TMNT. The one's really sinister, and after four episodes, we have yet to see him don his Shredder outfit ( which has gotten a new makeover look too ). The Foot Clan has been seriously upgraded, and the story's slowly building up. I do like the new format the series has taken. Instead of separate episodes each week, every episode is somehow linked to the next, giving it a nice flow. Think Alias sans the irritating cliffhangers.

My overzealous consumption of dried chillis yesterday sent me to toilet purgatory today. There's this eXtreme discomfort in my stomach, compounded by the overwhelming need to shit. But nussin' comes out after I've painstakingly removed enough clothing to claim the toilet throne as my own. Now there's this burning feeling around the anus, and all I can do is grimace and dimly notice that the toiletbowl cover was manufactured in Thailand. Lots of Thai characters there. I should know. I have no idea how to read Thai, yet I've been working with the glyphs for the past few weeks.

Tonight on Star World: Buffy the Musical ( Life's a show, and we all play our parts / And when the music starts / We open up our hearts ), and Darla comes to visit on Angel!

And remember you're never fully dressed
Though you may wear the best
You're never fully dressed - with - out - a - smile! Smile! Smile!
Smile darn ya smile!

Gotta love those kids, they're SO cute. Now, if only I can get that song out of my head. It's been playing over and over again along with Robbie Williams' Beyond the Sea and the overture from Okhlahoma. If this condition persists, my life is going to turn into Prose the Musical.

Friday, June 13, 2003


Wednesday, June 11, 2003

With a lack of sleep, I would have thought that I would be half dead by now. Strangely, that is not the case. In fact, I'm feeling very restless. Just exploding with positive energy. I have these sudden urges to jump around. Or maybe go run around a large field. Just... just bursting with restlessness, y'know? And I shouldn't be complaining, cause the alternative is a stint in Sleepyland. But I am complaining - it's really distracting when you get the sudden urge to jump up and sucker punch the nearest colleague in the balls while you were peacefully trying to decipher Thai characters. Work becomes an exercise in self-restraint and control. And all this... energy! Am I heading for self-combustion? I wonder if this is all due to too much energy food - at 1am last night, I was still burping out fishy smells ( courtesy of dinner ). Lesson to the open minds out there: Stuffing yourself with fried fish isn't always good. But Good Lord, the head and the bones were crunchy.

Monday, June 02, 2003

When I looked at my face in the mirror this morning, I saw this red spot on my nose. It's just beneath where my glasses would sit on my nose, so it's pretty obvious for all to see. Not that anyone noticed. I work in a place where I'm pretty invisible. Then again, given the shade of red that spot is, maybe it isn't all that obvious anyway. No matter. The red spot was still there when I got home from work today. By then though, I looked pretty dead. It's amazing how you can look like a freaking corpse without feeling like one.

By the way, I'm currently experiencing some downtime. You know... loss of interest in just about everything, the old "sit down stare at the wall" routine, that "Gawd I'm such a failure" phase. Which is fun, yay to me, I hope the reboot comes faster this time. Cause it's just me against the world, people. Man, life can get real solitary.

Note: I resigned from the CircleMud I was working on yesterday. Visions of Eternity is THE MUD to work in ( matured coding and building team! ), except that they're running Circle, and I just can't get into Diku-like building style. OLC? Gimme LPC's offline editing then FTPing method anyday. Apologies to the Snake Lady - you were very nice, Athravan. Thank you for the hospitality. I'm also off Core and Coastal Legends. It was great while it lasted. Much thanks to Grey for the opportunity to code on his MUD, without whom my first encounter with programming and OO concepts might have been really painful. Okay, now I know why I'm really depressed. It's not easy breaking away from the mud you've been on since 1996.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

I wonder why this kept on slipping off my mind.

The new girl in my office has left the company. Not really with the woo and the hoo here - she was nice enough to get us all koala bear keychains when she went to Australia for a vacation. Hey. Did she go to Australia for some loyalty programme meeting? Hmm. Anyway, she's gone. So now we have the old girl ( her predecessor ) and her, the new girl, both of whom are out of the company. If another girl comes in, we'll have the old girl, the old new girl and the new girl. Currently, the office is girlless. The two other ladies in it no longer qualify as girls.
They fixed a counter at the traffic lights along Magazine Road, just outside KOMTAR. It's pretty nifty - the numbers indicate how many seconds you have left before the green light turns back to red. Really helps with deciding whether to speed up or slow down. The counter was turned off this morning though. It would probably be a good idea to install this at every traffic light. Much better than wasting money on traffic cameras.

Lack of sleep these past few days have resulted in a loss of interest in doing stuff. I think I'm just about running on auto now... wake up, go to work, work, go home, play PS2, sleep, repeat. It's routine, it's not really all that fun, but it's a cheap life. Cheep cheep.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Anger overwhelming.

That's the results of seeing no parking lots left after a mad rush through the morning traffic. 8.35am! And all the lots were taken! That Eurasian creep was early today, and he took up on the nice large spot under the tree even though his car is so bloody small. And there was this group of moderately well-dressed yuppies who took up a few lots. Car pool, you uberfarks. Spare a lot for us friendless ones.

Oh, I think I've finally found out the reason why there are little blisters all over my hands. PS2 marathons. I thought Sony designed the PS2 controller for long-term gaming. Maybe I should get gloves. Although finger blisters are cool, in a way. They're not exactly painful - they just itch. And if you bite down on them, they'll burst and blister water will come out. Perhaps I'll hold off playing the PS2 for the moment until they go away. Blister water tastes funny.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

Another lovely evening in the Botanical Gardens. A group of monkeys decided to migrate between one side of the road to another, so they were loitering in the middle of the road. I managed to wade in among them, but I accidentally startled a little monkey on my way out of the group. This prompted the largest monkey in the group, probably the leader or its mother, to charge at me. Pretty nasty moment, but I think we scared each other off. Stupid monkey. I can imagine what that monkey would be writing in its blog today:

"We were migrating to the other side of the forest, when some stupid human decided to walk in among us..."

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

The parking lots are filling up earlier everyday. Used to be I could slowly drive in at 8.55am and still find a decent lot. Then, after the damnable government started charging for parking outside the tower, I had to come by 8.45am. These days, I reach at 8.35am and I have to go park on the pavement. That's not such a bad a thing, but I'm worried that the area near the drain might give way, plunging my car into it.

And now, for the haze. I couldn't see Butterworth from my office yesterday morning, and I couldn't see Penang Hill from my house today. The Star says it's open burning in Sumatra again. Damn those bastards if that's true. But there's open burning in Penang too. Just yesterday, someone was burning paper money or something outside the temple where I parked my car. The ashes were flying all about, and a piece with some Chinese character still on it actually landed on my car seat. I tried to flick it away, but it just crumbled to ashes. Geez.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

The tides are rising in Penang. We're getting flash floods in a lot of low areas, especially those which are in proximity to the coast and the rivers. When Mich C and I fetched Hel from the Bayan Baru FTZ on Thursday, the sea had encroached upon half of the coastal road. It was pretty chilling to see the waves lapping away happily at the land. Is the island sinking? Always a possibility, though in my opinion a pretty far-fetched one. There is also the theory that the moon is getting closer to Earth. As it undergoes orbital decay ( as Von Darke would put it ) on its imminent collision course with our planet, the gravity goes haywire and places in Penang start flooding. Either way, things aren't looking up. Here's hoping that it's just a one-time series of freak events. The traffic jam along the Jelutong Expressway can get hellish when Jalan Sungai Pinang floods.

On the other hand, we're experiencing this phenomenally abominable heat wave in Penang. Scorching sun, hot winds or total lack of wind ( pick your choice - either one isn't fun at all )... the heat brought upon a lethargy which put everyone in my house to sleep. Well, nearly everyone.. I struggled and succeeded in keeping awake, but ended up feeling listless and hopelessly sluggish. I think there might be a sticky patch of dried feet sweat at the feet of my computer table, where I spent the afternoon languishing in a lack of interest in the PS2 game I was playing ( .hack: Infection ).

Thank God for the evening. Somehow, the combination of these twilight hours and classical music sends me back to a time when I believe I was happier. Nothing beats those lost childhood days.

Saturday, May 17, 2003

Colour change! Okay, this has been something I've been wanting to do for some time now. I've always liked the bright text on dark background look, even though my 'Computer Look & Feel' class said that that was a big no-no. Now, instead of living with a colour scheme which I wish had inverse colours, I have to live with a colour scheme which goes against my ingrained education. Everytime I look at my blog now, I'm going to go "Eh, but bright on dark is baaad." Bah. Habits.
First I had the epiphanies. Then the insights. And now, the nightmares.

Well, just one so far. But it's the first time I've been unable to shake it off and go back to sleep directly. So there I was at 4am, logging on to the Net. It's nice to meet a friendly face on ICQ at that hour though - my short chat with Foxy helped me forget enough to go dare sleep again. I swear, had I dreamt that serial killer dream again, I would never have slept again. Real horror in dreams is not that unseen creature chasing you down a dark and empty corridor. It's that feeling of powerlessness for the people you know and care for as someone goes around cutting them open. In this case, it was the potential "what-if my dream is real" which kept me wide awake. Nearly half an hour to slow my heart rate down. Urgh.

It was back to sleep again after that. And then came the demons-in-a-mall dream, which wasn't too terrifying. I'm not sure if I were a demon myself, but things got so bad in the end that we got a bunch of good demons to turn back time and call in the Heavenly Host this time to deal with the bad demons. Sounds B-grade? You just had to be there when those things started tearing people apart.

So what we have here is a dream about demons rampaging through a mall, and another about a serial killer which I never saw ( it was his handiwork which put the fear of sleep in me ). One I was directly involved in, running around trying to put things right while avoiding the monstrosities. The other I was chasing the antagonist with a whole squad of policemen, knowing where the killer would strike next but not knowing who the next victims would be. And that damned serial killer kept me up.

Friday, May 09, 2003

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fourth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Oh really? I thought that I would have scored higher on Lustful.
In the Star today, you can see a man clinging to the side of a building. His girlfriend is pleading for him to climb back up with her arm outstretched, while a fireman looks on. If you read the article, you'll find that he is a 27-year-old salesman, and that nobody can help him with his problems.

I can relate to the man. In this day and age, it isn't easy being someone in the twenty-something age range. There's your family to think of, marriage perhaps, your life ahead of you. The pressures of society are unforgiving - anything less than being rich and well-connected disqualifies you from becoming regarded as a success. You may claim that other people's opinions of you are irrelevant, but it's these opinions which can sometimes determine if you get that promotion at work or if you manage to make that sale.

Much has been said regarding gender equality, but societal norms still largely dictate that as a man, you keep your feelings to yourself. And even if society says otherwise, there remains the matter of personal pride. Will I appear weak if I confide my fears and feelings to someone? Will I be giving them the upper hand over me if they know my weaknesses? Do I want to risk being referred to as 'that whining problematic sissy' behind my back? Pride, the downfall of the Devil, can also be the cause of damnation for so many other humans.

And even if you do manage to overcome those feelings, there's no guarantee that the people you seek help from will be able to assist you in reaching a closure of sorts with your problems. There are few among us who are capable and sensitive enough to draw people's worries and fears out, get them to talk about it and guide them to the most appropriate solution. Some well-meaning ones, God bless their souls, do try to aid as much as possible, but these attempts might not always produce the best results. This does however alleviate the problem a bit most of the time, but more professional help might be advisable if the issue runs deep.

All these lead to the "No one understands me! No one gives a damn! No one can help me!" cries which some of the suicidal rally around. They may sound pathetic to those who have their lives in order. After all, if I can handle the problems in my own life, why can't you? I would say that the answer lies in a case-by-case basis. Suicidal #1 may have come from an abusive family, growing up to trust no one and believing that he's worth just a little more than a RM0.40 potato. Suicidal #2 might have difficulties expressing herself to others. Suicidal #3 may be suffering from a state of depression, preventing him from helping himself. Granted, it is possible for some to rise above their suicidal tendencies, to shrug away the inclination to end their existence and continue on with life. Others, however, might never get to that stage.

Do these unfortunates usually end up clinging to a ledge? Not immediately. Our survival instincts are pretty strong. The natural instinct upon finding yourself standing at the edge of a very high building is to step back to somewhere safer. But what if you've been experiencing a lot of difficulties in life? Or if you're in a situation which you just cannot cope with, or one which you're powerless to deal with? Slowly, the will to live is eroded away, to be replaced by a disaffection for life. Pretty soon, living becomes a chore, and the idea of ending one's life starts brightening up like a lightbulb in that growing darkness known as Your Miserable Life.

The end is near, perhaps. But not necessarily so. It doesn't take much to see the signs of imminent self-elimination. Personality changes. Depression. Low self-esteem. There's a whole list of omens to look out for, if you really care to. And when you do see it coming, do reach out a helping hand. Don't wait until they start attempting suicide. You might not get your photo splashed on the front page of the local newspaper this way, but helping to save people from killing themselves will be satisfaction enough.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Aha... always good to relax to some classical music during lunchtime. Eases the frustration out of the day. Some people actually go out for lunch with other people ( when they do have other people to go out with, that is ). Others play Starcraft. But me, I go classical. It's not that big a deal, of course. Usually I try to grab some sleep. But that's out of the question today, so I go for the next best thing. Evelyn Glennie's Classics over BBC Radio. Lovely lass. She has that Scottish brogue, but you can understand every word she says.

I met my cousin over ICQ this morning and asked her if God existed. Now, my cousins are the fairly religious types, so she was understandably taken back. But my cousin's smart. Instead of a full-out debate, she offered to set up an appointment for me with a diocese priest who might be able to help me with my questions of faith. Okay, that was truly unexpected. And it was my turn to be taken back. Like, whoaa... priest? I thought about it, and found that it might be the next logical step. The Bentongless One is way too out of the game for religious tension. And if you're going head to head with another Christian, I've found that doubting the veracity of the Bible ( and thus refusing to accept anything from it ) pretty much ends any discussion before it begins. Unless, of course, you're going to be debating the validity of the Book itself. Memorizing everything in the Bible won't help when the person you're talking to doesn't accept it as fact.

Monday, May 05, 2003

There is more than one me in my company. Boss sends an email to me asking me some questions, ccing to a bunch of other people. Those punks start replying on my behalf. I typically don't want to give a shit, since I think it's really high time I left this shithole. However, I'm still hurting from being lumped into the bo-chap / tidak-apa / dont-care-less category in the Star a week or two ago, so I decided to give a shit. And found a lot of impotent anger in store. Like, what could I do? Mail them back telling them it's rude to butt into someone's scope without being asked? That would be unprofessional. That would reflect badly on me. Worst of all, that would be acting on emotions.

Now it's back to keeping all that grief, all that frustration and all that rage pented up inside. Bury it deep, deep inside. In the end I find that not giving a damn about things is a better option. It's not me who wants to be lackadaisical. It's the world, how it works and the way my my belief system reacts to it which compels me to turn the other cheek. So just smile, Prosey boyo, grit your teeth real tight and walk away like the pacifistic gentleman that you are. Someday soon, you'll get to vent. And then they'll learn the meaning of pain.

Friday, May 02, 2003

The call of Diablo 2. Yes, it's very strong. Very, very strong. It woke me up from PC gaming stupor and actually got me to dig out my Diablo 2 CDs and install it, complete with no-CD executable and Lord of Destruction expansion. And as I ran around with my Javazon raking up all them lovely experience points, my PC crashed and rebooted. Just like how it used to back in the old days. I should be pissed beyond belief. Yet strangely, I'm not. Well, maybe a little bit of seething inside. Some bitter feelings that I can't play the PC game to end all PC games. But apart from that, everything's kosher. I guess I'll be sticking to my PS2 for the meantime.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

And so, the burning of my Phantom of the Opera Disc 2 which began this morning has finally ended. I went to Prangin Mall, got myself a new casing, went home, discovered that I should have bought just the power source instead, and here I am. While in Prangin Mall, I met Dr. J. He bargained the price of the casing down to RM85 ( I'm not one for bargaining myself ), and then we went belt-hunting. Did you know that the belt size is actually imprinted on some of the belts? We didn't know that until a nice young lady helped us look for the proper size. Anyway, there was a slight dismay when we realized that the discounts all over the store applied only if you had a Bonuslink card ( the doctor left his in his car, I don't carry a Bonuslink card on principle ), but we finally found a salesguy who was willing to lend us his. We didn't need the card in the end because there wasn't any discounts applicable to the belt which the doctor bought. Following that was supper at Pertama, and then it was back home for some power source replacement and a crash course in which cable went where. Much thanks to Von Darke and the Simoniac for consultation and support.

Damn power source. Sigh. I was supposed to spend the night reading Van Richten's Guide to the Walking Dead. But I did get to meet up with Dr. J, and that's a good thing. I also learned the power cables ( yes, lame I am ). Next, I'll want to replace the whole casing with the new one, since the new one has an additional fan inside. But... so many wires!
Some fop was preening himself in the men's room. I don't know why he was spending so much time working on his hair, when it's already combed solid. I very nearly told him that no matter what he did to himself, he'll still look like the freak that his mother pushed out of her body on his birthday. Some people can be so inconsiderate. There's only one mirror over the solitary washbasin, and he had to hog it. I saw myself across the line, and that me was stabbing the little bastard to ribbons with the chopsticks I used to eat my koay teow mee. What a bitch.

Today didn't start out so well. Before I left my house in the morning, I was burning myself a copy of the Phantom of the Opera ( for easy listening during work ) when my computer unexpectedly switched off by itself. And it refused to switch on again. Do you know how irritating that is? My annoyance level damn near maxed out when I realized that the computer wouldn't turn on anymore. There was this strangling feeling in my throat, even. Now since Mich C is heading back to Ipoh, I'll probably spend the whole night ( and possibly this weekend ) trying to get it to work again. What's more, I've just reformatted and reinstalled everything after the last registry corruption. God, this is SO aggravating.

Monday, April 28, 2003

My office ran out of water again. But I was prepared this time. Six additional bottles of water, stocked when water last ran out. Unfortunately, the water was stale. Most of them, at least. I think they've been there since last year. Stale and warm water does not a Happy Prosey make. Dehydration was barely avoided, and I ended up feeling more than a little queasy after consuming five 600ml bottles of water. Urgh.

Anyway, I had this weird dream last night. I was in the airport, and I really needed to shit. Unfortunately, the toilet was filthy beyond belief ( and coming from me, that's very filthy ). So I ended up holding my shit as I headed off to the plane. And then I woke up. And found out that I really had to shit. Unfortunately, my sister was inside, and after that my father had to go bathe or he would be late for work. So I ended up holding my shit most uncomfortably in my stomach until my father got out. God, that was hell.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Some sick fark just farted in the office. Or maybe my ass is leaking or something. Whatever it is, it's pissing me off, okaaaay? I'm pretty stressed out today already, okaaaay? On my way to work, I realized that they had already painted little boxes along the stretch of road which curves into Gurney Drive. No wonder why the place where I used to park was filled with cars yesterday. It would have been packed today too, but I came earlier because I had to pump petrol into my car, and so got the same place I parked yesterday. It's utter bollocks. Totally bone, mates. Now I'll have to come early every day just to get a place to park. That truly pisses me off, okaaaay?

And I'm really starting to feel the loss of Phoay2. She's usually early, so arriving at 8.45am means that I got to enter the office at 8.45am. Now that she's gone, I'm bound to the whims and fancies of the two keyholders, who tend to arrive at 9am or later. Well, one of them comes in early every now and then. But today! Yes today! The fark came in at 9am! There I was, standing like an ass at the lift with my fried tau kua ( breakfast ), koay teow mee ( lunch ) and papayas ( pre-lunch fruits ). Did I want to throw him out of the building!

Oh, our door's gone mad too. It's been slowly climbing the mountains of insanity these past few weeks, and it's finally reached the peak. Earlier, we had to close it properly to ensure that the metal bar on the door frame came down right into the hole in the door. Now, the metal bar can't stop going up and down, even after it's been positioned right. You would think that the door was having wild carefree sex with the door frame. Farking bollocks.

Now our CTO is expecting us to do the impossible AGAIN. Yet Another Mindless Demo. Featuring the application which I was supposed to work on but which I was dragged out of halfway to go research some stupid content server application. Like, who the hell cares about this shit anyway? I really detest the idea of learning up someone else's half-brained application. If I programmed that app, then it's cool. I could fix whatever's wrong with it. But something someone else did? Without the availability of decent documentation? There's a line which should be drawn here, okaaaay?

Yes, I'm losing it. You know how things are... the little things in life just pile up one after another. And that's okay too, but when they come at you all at once before lunchtime! There's a lot of rage in me all of a sudden. I really need to break something. Someone, preferably. You know the feeling when you just feel like knocking over an old lady and bludgeoning her to death with a keyboard? Yeah, I'm having one of those moments now.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I've just watched Frailty. I can't believe how people missed out on this deliciously disturbing movie. Yes, I did that 'watch the clock wondering how long more this movie is going to be' again, but it was gripping. It managed to hold my attention. And towards the end, I actually got goose pimples running up my arm. Disturbing? Oh yes.

Today's the last day Phoay2 will be at work. I'm a little sad to see her go, although we're not really close. Heck, days can go by without us exchanging a single word. But she's been there ever since the start. She's like the fridge, you know. Or maybe the server. It's like they just removed a permanent fixture from the office. And to top all that, she's also Mich C's friend, the one who got me the job at the company.

But never mind. I'll go meditate on Frailty. Cause when God speaks, you don't ask questions.

Monday, April 21, 2003

El doctor took a look at my throat this morning, and gave me an MC. "You've got a red swollen lump in your throat," he said. I nodded, agreed with him vehemently and went off to buy some buns from the bakery. And so started my Day of MC.

Which was fun. Initially. I finally watched 'Dog Soldiers'. Which was good. And then, there was the Enterprise episode 'Judgment'. Which was better than 'Crossing'. A Klingon trial is always good. And after that was lunch, followed by a really long period of hibernation. I slept, and slept, and I slept. And when I woke up it was already 6pm. Now I'm defrosting solid spaghetti for my dinner, and I hope to God that it doesn't give me food poisoning or something. The older you get, the less you like getting sick.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Life's a show and we all play our parts
And when the music starts
We open up our hearts
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 'Once More, With Feeling', Season 6

That's right. BtVS Season 6. Angel Season 3. Here in May on Astro's Star World. I was in a feverish torpor, warping my mind further with Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell's From Hell. Feverish, because I think there's a throat infection playing havoc on my biological systems ( God, Seven, do I need your nanoprobes now ). Warping, which you'll understand once you read that book. And then, from the hall, I heard Buffy breaking out into song. And my ( then depressed ) spirits sang, cause the wait is finally over. YES.

Hmm... last year, I went ballistics ( albeit offline ) when I realized that the next season of Buffy was being shown on Astro. Okay, once more, with feeling... *SCREAM*

Friday, April 18, 2003

It's been a pretty slow week. My interest in doing stuff has been steadily declining. All I can do now is mull over All That Is Wrong With My Life ( which will henceforth be referred to as ATIWWML ) and alphabetize them backwards in the darkness of my room.

"Z... hmm, what do we have in Z? Zoophilia? Waitaminute, I haven't exactly had sex with an animal before. Can't put that down. And even if I did, it that really such a bad thing? After all, they have half-Klingons and half-Vulcans in Star Trek. It's not like I'm going to get some non-human pregnant anyway. Sigh. Such a heavily philosophical question to answer. Man, this is going to take me some time..."

While meditating on ATIWWML, I managed to something else which cropped up pretty recently ( barely an hour ago, in fact ). Photosig [ www.photosig.com ] has gone semi-commercial. Well damn them. No more artistic por- I mean, artistic and tastefully taken photographs. That will go under alphabet P - for Photosig. Or maybe D - Deprivation of Photosig Photos. I'm not sure which one to go with yet, but I'll figure it out after I finish debating if Yodelling In The Shower is something wrong with my life.

Anyway, I will try not to get too worked up over that. There are, of course, good news. Eden Studios is releasing the Angel RPG [ www.angelrpg.com ]. I'm happy to announce that I will not be getting this, because there's virtually no one to play it with. Although of course, my heart bleeds for it. How can any true manic fan resist this baby?

This prestige hardbound book has a black leatherette cover, foil design logo and a cloth bookmark (IMAGE SHOWN IS NOT FINAL IMAGE).

I'll tell you how.

Suggested Retail Price: $65.00 (US)

Farkity fark. But never mind. I'm cool with it. Don't worry, Angel. I will fight the good fight. Whichever way I can. Well, this does seem like a good night to go home and cozy up to my Angel Season 1 DVDs, being Good Friday and all.

Oh well. ATIWWML. It's usually more fun to count your, er, curses? Unblessings? Misfortunes? The opposite of count your blessings. There's still one fun thing left in life though. My close proximity to the office door means that I'm usually the guy who has to go answer it whenever some salesperson comes a-calling. Normally, I don't welcome the socializing involved - I'm really not that good with people. These days, however, my mean streak has resurfaced. So I answer the door and if they're truly salespeople ( "Hi! We're from CitiBank!", "Hi, I'm from Z'tronics!", "Hel-loo! Avon calling!" ), I give them the extremely cold treatment. I need to practise putting as much contempt and disgust into my voice anyway. Years of non-socializing has rendered me harmless.

Monday, April 14, 2003

How do you deal with potential epidemics?
Total number of votes: 10

Vote breakdown:
1. I lock myself up in my house. (3)
2. My biohazard suit becomes my second skin. (0)
3. Life goes on as normal - it's just potential. (3)
4. Epidemic? I'll NEVER get infected. (0)
5. I start spreading panic among other people. (4)

Thursday, April 10, 2003

I spent nearly two hours yesterday evening watching firemen cooling down a burning roof and trying to extricate a charred body from the roof of the Trishaw Rider's Association near my house. When I reached home after work, fire engines were blocking the road where I usually park my car. After going to the back to park it, I went up, dropped off the groceries and then went down to see the going-ons. From what I heard ( confirmed in today's The Star, pg. 19 ), one of the trishaw riders locked himself up in his little room near the roof and set fire to himself.

Actually, the two hours I spent there was to wait for all the busybody motorcycles to move out, cause after the fire engines relocated to a single road, motorcyclists who passed by just parked into parking lots for the cars. I didn't want to park at the back cause that would entail having to walk up to the fruit stall in the morning, make my papaya purchases and walk all the way back to the other side of the flats. Too much time wasted, especially since I'm usually late for work in the morning anyway.

Wasn't really much to see. Firemen removed the roof, although they couldn't get to that little room ( the mezzanine, the papers said ). Firemen cooled off the room, resulting in much steam and smoke. One thing I didn't get was, when it finally got dark ( as in, night ), the firemen only used normal torchlights. You would think that the fire department which also specialized in rescue work would also be packing much bigger light sources. I mean, fluorescent lamps, man. That might have helped with the corpse retrieval after darkness fell.

I didn't stay until they got the corpse out though. After my father left ( he dropped by to watch the proceedings for awhile too ), I realized that some of the motorcycles were gone from the lots, so I quickly ran to the back, brought my car to the front and parked it there. Right under the tree. Sure, there were yellow flowers falling all over the place, but they're a vast improvement over the birdshit which was falling all over the area out back.

No one can say it's been uneventful. Americans topple the Saddam regime. SARS on the loose. Someone got shot near my house not too long ago. Leslie does a, er, Leslie out of the 24th floor. Ebola makes a comeback, albeit a brief one. And now another suicide - death by fire. Which is a horrible way to go.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

One and a half years ago, I was bitching to my supervisor regarding those bitches down in KL and the lack of information they were giving us regarding some server software. Today, I'm the idiot trying to find out how to make that same software work, albeit in a different company. It's a scary cycle. I'm going through semi-deja vu... "Wait a minute... haven't I sort of gone through this shit last time, only from a different perspective?"

Sigh. I'm having one of those lonely moments, when the veil of lies I see the world through is lifted and I see life for what it really is. Everyone has this veil. These illusions we allow ourselves to believe in, they make life bearable. Take them away and you start seeing how pointless everything is. Your viewpoint changes, and everything you do becomes insignificant. I don't even need to look ahead a hundred years to see that - everything I've done since I've started working has been totally pointless. Projects get cancelled, deals don't work out... I've been working into a void all this time. Disillusionment sets in, you know, when you pride yourself so much on the end result and there's never ever an end result.

Well, maybe they're not all lies. I mean, people in Baghdad are playing Dodge Da Bomb while I'm sitting here on my sorry ass feeling sorry for my sorry self. Why? Because I had a shift of mindset? Because living is not enough? Damnit, these Leslie moments really have to go.

Monday, April 07, 2003

Those people who moved into the office opposite mine? Well, I'm sure their top management are pretty okay. And the cleaning lady seems pretty fine too. But the monkeys they hired to do God knows what? Ah, calling them monkeys will be an insult to monkeys. These 'people' spend their time smoking away in the stairwell. Sometimes, they smoke up the corridor so much it's hard not to gag everytime I go to the toilet. And they don't smoke your regular run-of-the-mill cigarettes - we're talking really foul shit here which you don't smell anywhere else except probably some drug den. And when they smoke in the stairwells, they sit on the stairs and they don't bother moving even if you need to use the stairs to go up to the next floor. Ah, but is that all? Noo... these are the retards who destroyed the doorknob in the toilet ( one month after they came in ), destroyed the dustbin ( less than one month after they came in ), dance and crack jokes in the toilet ( I shit you not ) and worst of all, leave their shit floating around in the toiletbowl. Now, I might read my shit from time to time, but I don't leave it around for other people to scrutinize. It's just plain rude. Even I have the sensibilities to flush after I'm done!

Damnit, no matter what you do, you can't hide someone's upbringing. You can dress them up in long sleeves and slacks. You can make sure that their hair is really well-groomed. Heck, you can make them look a hundred times smarter than me. But what you can't do is hide the fact that these punks have been fished out from the trash heap of society. Couldn't their management have spent just a little bit more money to hire better educated personnel?

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Interesting Way To Kill Yourself While You Are Sick:

Chilli. Lots of chilli. Or, in my case, chilli enough for two to go with my bowl of koay teow th'ng. In an effort to eradicate a non-fever fever ( to be fair, I do feel feverish, but my temperature's pretty normal ) and rid myself of this blasted cold ( the nose, it's running ), I decided to steal my father's share of chilli and consume them all. Madness? Partly. I hate weekends when I'm sick. Drives me up the wall. Makes me devour chilli overwhelming. Heck, it's been about ten minutes and I'm still sweating. If anything, this will help me lose weight. At least my eyes don't feel tired anymore. I swear, it was a Moment of Realization when I realized that I was eating chilli meant for two.

I do feel better after that nice sweatdown. Hmm, perhaps I should try to sweat more. Drink hot stuff. Hot Milo. The can of minestrone in the cupboard. Perhaps, some coffee ( although that might wreak havoc on my already sensitive throat... no, better not ).

But damnit, it's not working! My nose is still stuck! All that effort... and my soon to be dead stomach... *sob*

Friday, April 04, 2003

I have drunk too much water and now I must spew. To complicate matters, I have drunk warmish hot water ( cause you can't drink hot water directly, cause then BAD THINGS will happen ), so the heat is making my stomach bloated. How do I feel now? Horrible. Mucus leakage has intensified - I've dripped God knows how many litres of ooze all over my keyboard, my desk, my chair and my jeans. Oh, and I think I broke something in my chair cause I heard a loud crack while I was reclining earlier and now it's time for me to go switch chairs later when no one's around which will probably be next Monday. Back to the slime I've been producing - they're pretty slippery when you rub them between your fingers; I wonder if I can bottle them and market them as lubricant. There's a new girl in the office today - someone I know also knows her, and she knows that someone as well. May she rot in peace along the rest of us here in Hell. My eyes are getting weary, and I predict complete body shutdown soon. Tonight, I will go home to hot Milo and cornflakes and I will sleep early, which is just as well, since my sister wants to use my computer and my father will probably go watch The Ring in the hall, thus depriving me of things to do. There's always reading or some creative literary work, but as I stated earlier in one of the previous sentences: Tired eyes. And melted brains. Don't forget the melted brains. Cause I think that's the gooey stuff which is leaking out of my nose now.
Marmalade! Damnit, it's marmalade! How could I forget marmalade!
Your idea of fun:
Total number of votes: 12

Vote breakdown:
1. Saturday night parteeeee! (1)
2. Sex orgy! (3)
3. Anything done with peace and quiet. (0)
4. Just hangin' with my friends. (3)
5. Absolute solitude. (1)
6. Fun does not exist in my life. (0)
7. Playing God with the lives of others. (2)
8. Being God. (0)
9. I am fun personified. (2)

I used to like sex orgies myself. Nowadays, I'm with the peace and quiet.

I took a half day off yesterday to recuperate from the constant six hours of sleep a night marathon which I have been having. That didn't really do me much good, cause my nose has started leaking gooey mucus today and I'm starting to feel feverish. Is this merely a psychological effect brought upon by the SARS panic which is slowly building up? At any rate, I'm thinking that the sooner I get out of this ungodly air-conditioned office the better my chances of recovery. I was doing so well last night, after all.

After a pleasant rest in the afternoon, I woke up, bummed around and ended up watching XXX. Vin Diesel is the new action hero! His ubercoolness is reflected in the way he does airborne motorcycle stunts while shooting and avoiding getting shot. Not to mention the way he snowboards down mountains or apply video game psychology to real life situations. Now that is way [00l. And then there's the uberbabe in the movie - Asia Argento - an Italian babe who did a very good rendition of a Russian babe in the movie. For some reason, she reminded me of Neve Campbell at the start, but her noticeable nose soon drove away that impression.

So here I am now, half-dead in the office, debating SARS with my paranoid self. What IF, huh? WHAT IF? Do I wait in quarantine, desperately hoping for a cure anyday soon? Do I do a Leslie and jump off a building? Or maybe a Kurt Cobain and hang myself? Is it easier to end your own life rather than wait for yourself to succumb to a disease? Is ending your life by your own hand the more honourable way to go? Morbidity, eh. Personally, I think I'm too chicken to kill myself. Unless it's for a reaaaally good reason. Some people might argue that there will never be a reason good enough to kill yourself. Whoever who said that probably didn't get the last part of Armageddon. Anyway, I digress. Yes, the SARS epidemic is getting to me. It's hard to stay calm when the government's ordered a massive information blackout on the issue. How any in Malaysia has SARS? None, says the government. But can they be trusted? I bet not. And it's this very lack of information which is, instead of lulling me into a false sense of security, increasing my paranoia. Who knows where the hotspots are now? It might be Pulau Tikus for all I know, but with the government clamping down on the media, you just can't tell. And everyone else might choose to remain blissfully ignorant, but I can't. I hate being left in the dark ( and while we're on the subject of being left in the dark, much thanks to my bastard asshole friends who decided to leave ME in the dark regarding someone ). I'm a citizen of this country too. Need the info, if only to determine where NOT to go. I watched Outbreak, okay. I *know* what happens in an epidemic. That cinema scene is starting to come back to me now, and boy is it freaking me out.

Oh well. I only panic if I think about it. There's this fatalistic attitude in me which is constantly fighting against the panic, which is causing pretty contradictory results. On one hand I'm panicky. On the other hand, I'm accepting things as they come along. Yes, I'm a very confused person.

Oh bother, now I need to go on a vision quest to seek answers.

"A-koo-chee-Moya, I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers..."