Wednesday, April 30, 2003

And so, the burning of my Phantom of the Opera Disc 2 which began this morning has finally ended. I went to Prangin Mall, got myself a new casing, went home, discovered that I should have bought just the power source instead, and here I am. While in Prangin Mall, I met Dr. J. He bargained the price of the casing down to RM85 ( I'm not one for bargaining myself ), and then we went belt-hunting. Did you know that the belt size is actually imprinted on some of the belts? We didn't know that until a nice young lady helped us look for the proper size. Anyway, there was a slight dismay when we realized that the discounts all over the store applied only if you had a Bonuslink card ( the doctor left his in his car, I don't carry a Bonuslink card on principle ), but we finally found a salesguy who was willing to lend us his. We didn't need the card in the end because there wasn't any discounts applicable to the belt which the doctor bought. Following that was supper at Pertama, and then it was back home for some power source replacement and a crash course in which cable went where. Much thanks to Von Darke and the Simoniac for consultation and support.

Damn power source. Sigh. I was supposed to spend the night reading Van Richten's Guide to the Walking Dead. But I did get to meet up with Dr. J, and that's a good thing. I also learned the power cables ( yes, lame I am ). Next, I'll want to replace the whole casing with the new one, since the new one has an additional fan inside. But... so many wires!
Some fop was preening himself in the men's room. I don't know why he was spending so much time working on his hair, when it's already combed solid. I very nearly told him that no matter what he did to himself, he'll still look like the freak that his mother pushed out of her body on his birthday. Some people can be so inconsiderate. There's only one mirror over the solitary washbasin, and he had to hog it. I saw myself across the line, and that me was stabbing the little bastard to ribbons with the chopsticks I used to eat my koay teow mee. What a bitch.

Today didn't start out so well. Before I left my house in the morning, I was burning myself a copy of the Phantom of the Opera ( for easy listening during work ) when my computer unexpectedly switched off by itself. And it refused to switch on again. Do you know how irritating that is? My annoyance level damn near maxed out when I realized that the computer wouldn't turn on anymore. There was this strangling feeling in my throat, even. Now since Mich C is heading back to Ipoh, I'll probably spend the whole night ( and possibly this weekend ) trying to get it to work again. What's more, I've just reformatted and reinstalled everything after the last registry corruption. God, this is SO aggravating.

Monday, April 28, 2003

My office ran out of water again. But I was prepared this time. Six additional bottles of water, stocked when water last ran out. Unfortunately, the water was stale. Most of them, at least. I think they've been there since last year. Stale and warm water does not a Happy Prosey make. Dehydration was barely avoided, and I ended up feeling more than a little queasy after consuming five 600ml bottles of water. Urgh.

Anyway, I had this weird dream last night. I was in the airport, and I really needed to shit. Unfortunately, the toilet was filthy beyond belief ( and coming from me, that's very filthy ). So I ended up holding my shit as I headed off to the plane. And then I woke up. And found out that I really had to shit. Unfortunately, my sister was inside, and after that my father had to go bathe or he would be late for work. So I ended up holding my shit most uncomfortably in my stomach until my father got out. God, that was hell.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Some sick fark just farted in the office. Or maybe my ass is leaking or something. Whatever it is, it's pissing me off, okaaaay? I'm pretty stressed out today already, okaaaay? On my way to work, I realized that they had already painted little boxes along the stretch of road which curves into Gurney Drive. No wonder why the place where I used to park was filled with cars yesterday. It would have been packed today too, but I came earlier because I had to pump petrol into my car, and so got the same place I parked yesterday. It's utter bollocks. Totally bone, mates. Now I'll have to come early every day just to get a place to park. That truly pisses me off, okaaaay?

And I'm really starting to feel the loss of Phoay2. She's usually early, so arriving at 8.45am means that I got to enter the office at 8.45am. Now that she's gone, I'm bound to the whims and fancies of the two keyholders, who tend to arrive at 9am or later. Well, one of them comes in early every now and then. But today! Yes today! The fark came in at 9am! There I was, standing like an ass at the lift with my fried tau kua ( breakfast ), koay teow mee ( lunch ) and papayas ( pre-lunch fruits ). Did I want to throw him out of the building!

Oh, our door's gone mad too. It's been slowly climbing the mountains of insanity these past few weeks, and it's finally reached the peak. Earlier, we had to close it properly to ensure that the metal bar on the door frame came down right into the hole in the door. Now, the metal bar can't stop going up and down, even after it's been positioned right. You would think that the door was having wild carefree sex with the door frame. Farking bollocks.

Now our CTO is expecting us to do the impossible AGAIN. Yet Another Mindless Demo. Featuring the application which I was supposed to work on but which I was dragged out of halfway to go research some stupid content server application. Like, who the hell cares about this shit anyway? I really detest the idea of learning up someone else's half-brained application. If I programmed that app, then it's cool. I could fix whatever's wrong with it. But something someone else did? Without the availability of decent documentation? There's a line which should be drawn here, okaaaay?

Yes, I'm losing it. You know how things are... the little things in life just pile up one after another. And that's okay too, but when they come at you all at once before lunchtime! There's a lot of rage in me all of a sudden. I really need to break something. Someone, preferably. You know the feeling when you just feel like knocking over an old lady and bludgeoning her to death with a keyboard? Yeah, I'm having one of those moments now.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I've just watched Frailty. I can't believe how people missed out on this deliciously disturbing movie. Yes, I did that 'watch the clock wondering how long more this movie is going to be' again, but it was gripping. It managed to hold my attention. And towards the end, I actually got goose pimples running up my arm. Disturbing? Oh yes.

Today's the last day Phoay2 will be at work. I'm a little sad to see her go, although we're not really close. Heck, days can go by without us exchanging a single word. But she's been there ever since the start. She's like the fridge, you know. Or maybe the server. It's like they just removed a permanent fixture from the office. And to top all that, she's also Mich C's friend, the one who got me the job at the company.

But never mind. I'll go meditate on Frailty. Cause when God speaks, you don't ask questions.

Monday, April 21, 2003

El doctor took a look at my throat this morning, and gave me an MC. "You've got a red swollen lump in your throat," he said. I nodded, agreed with him vehemently and went off to buy some buns from the bakery. And so started my Day of MC.

Which was fun. Initially. I finally watched 'Dog Soldiers'. Which was good. And then, there was the Enterprise episode 'Judgment'. Which was better than 'Crossing'. A Klingon trial is always good. And after that was lunch, followed by a really long period of hibernation. I slept, and slept, and I slept. And when I woke up it was already 6pm. Now I'm defrosting solid spaghetti for my dinner, and I hope to God that it doesn't give me food poisoning or something. The older you get, the less you like getting sick.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Life's a show and we all play our parts
And when the music starts
We open up our hearts
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 'Once More, With Feeling', Season 6

That's right. BtVS Season 6. Angel Season 3. Here in May on Astro's Star World. I was in a feverish torpor, warping my mind further with Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell's From Hell. Feverish, because I think there's a throat infection playing havoc on my biological systems ( God, Seven, do I need your nanoprobes now ). Warping, which you'll understand once you read that book. And then, from the hall, I heard Buffy breaking out into song. And my ( then depressed ) spirits sang, cause the wait is finally over. YES.

Hmm... last year, I went ballistics ( albeit offline ) when I realized that the next season of Buffy was being shown on Astro. Okay, once more, with feeling... *SCREAM*

Friday, April 18, 2003

It's been a pretty slow week. My interest in doing stuff has been steadily declining. All I can do now is mull over All That Is Wrong With My Life ( which will henceforth be referred to as ATIWWML ) and alphabetize them backwards in the darkness of my room.

"Z... hmm, what do we have in Z? Zoophilia? Waitaminute, I haven't exactly had sex with an animal before. Can't put that down. And even if I did, it that really such a bad thing? After all, they have half-Klingons and half-Vulcans in Star Trek. It's not like I'm going to get some non-human pregnant anyway. Sigh. Such a heavily philosophical question to answer. Man, this is going to take me some time..."

While meditating on ATIWWML, I managed to something else which cropped up pretty recently ( barely an hour ago, in fact ). Photosig [ www.photosig.com ] has gone semi-commercial. Well damn them. No more artistic por- I mean, artistic and tastefully taken photographs. That will go under alphabet P - for Photosig. Or maybe D - Deprivation of Photosig Photos. I'm not sure which one to go with yet, but I'll figure it out after I finish debating if Yodelling In The Shower is something wrong with my life.

Anyway, I will try not to get too worked up over that. There are, of course, good news. Eden Studios is releasing the Angel RPG [ www.angelrpg.com ]. I'm happy to announce that I will not be getting this, because there's virtually no one to play it with. Although of course, my heart bleeds for it. How can any true manic fan resist this baby?

This prestige hardbound book has a black leatherette cover, foil design logo and a cloth bookmark (IMAGE SHOWN IS NOT FINAL IMAGE).

I'll tell you how.

Suggested Retail Price: $65.00 (US)

Farkity fark. But never mind. I'm cool with it. Don't worry, Angel. I will fight the good fight. Whichever way I can. Well, this does seem like a good night to go home and cozy up to my Angel Season 1 DVDs, being Good Friday and all.

Oh well. ATIWWML. It's usually more fun to count your, er, curses? Unblessings? Misfortunes? The opposite of count your blessings. There's still one fun thing left in life though. My close proximity to the office door means that I'm usually the guy who has to go answer it whenever some salesperson comes a-calling. Normally, I don't welcome the socializing involved - I'm really not that good with people. These days, however, my mean streak has resurfaced. So I answer the door and if they're truly salespeople ( "Hi! We're from CitiBank!", "Hi, I'm from Z'tronics!", "Hel-loo! Avon calling!" ), I give them the extremely cold treatment. I need to practise putting as much contempt and disgust into my voice anyway. Years of non-socializing has rendered me harmless.

Monday, April 14, 2003

How do you deal with potential epidemics?
Total number of votes: 10

Vote breakdown:
1. I lock myself up in my house. (3)
2. My biohazard suit becomes my second skin. (0)
3. Life goes on as normal - it's just potential. (3)
4. Epidemic? I'll NEVER get infected. (0)
5. I start spreading panic among other people. (4)

Thursday, April 10, 2003

I spent nearly two hours yesterday evening watching firemen cooling down a burning roof and trying to extricate a charred body from the roof of the Trishaw Rider's Association near my house. When I reached home after work, fire engines were blocking the road where I usually park my car. After going to the back to park it, I went up, dropped off the groceries and then went down to see the going-ons. From what I heard ( confirmed in today's The Star, pg. 19 ), one of the trishaw riders locked himself up in his little room near the roof and set fire to himself.

Actually, the two hours I spent there was to wait for all the busybody motorcycles to move out, cause after the fire engines relocated to a single road, motorcyclists who passed by just parked into parking lots for the cars. I didn't want to park at the back cause that would entail having to walk up to the fruit stall in the morning, make my papaya purchases and walk all the way back to the other side of the flats. Too much time wasted, especially since I'm usually late for work in the morning anyway.

Wasn't really much to see. Firemen removed the roof, although they couldn't get to that little room ( the mezzanine, the papers said ). Firemen cooled off the room, resulting in much steam and smoke. One thing I didn't get was, when it finally got dark ( as in, night ), the firemen only used normal torchlights. You would think that the fire department which also specialized in rescue work would also be packing much bigger light sources. I mean, fluorescent lamps, man. That might have helped with the corpse retrieval after darkness fell.

I didn't stay until they got the corpse out though. After my father left ( he dropped by to watch the proceedings for awhile too ), I realized that some of the motorcycles were gone from the lots, so I quickly ran to the back, brought my car to the front and parked it there. Right under the tree. Sure, there were yellow flowers falling all over the place, but they're a vast improvement over the birdshit which was falling all over the area out back.

No one can say it's been uneventful. Americans topple the Saddam regime. SARS on the loose. Someone got shot near my house not too long ago. Leslie does a, er, Leslie out of the 24th floor. Ebola makes a comeback, albeit a brief one. And now another suicide - death by fire. Which is a horrible way to go.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

One and a half years ago, I was bitching to my supervisor regarding those bitches down in KL and the lack of information they were giving us regarding some server software. Today, I'm the idiot trying to find out how to make that same software work, albeit in a different company. It's a scary cycle. I'm going through semi-deja vu... "Wait a minute... haven't I sort of gone through this shit last time, only from a different perspective?"

Sigh. I'm having one of those lonely moments, when the veil of lies I see the world through is lifted and I see life for what it really is. Everyone has this veil. These illusions we allow ourselves to believe in, they make life bearable. Take them away and you start seeing how pointless everything is. Your viewpoint changes, and everything you do becomes insignificant. I don't even need to look ahead a hundred years to see that - everything I've done since I've started working has been totally pointless. Projects get cancelled, deals don't work out... I've been working into a void all this time. Disillusionment sets in, you know, when you pride yourself so much on the end result and there's never ever an end result.

Well, maybe they're not all lies. I mean, people in Baghdad are playing Dodge Da Bomb while I'm sitting here on my sorry ass feeling sorry for my sorry self. Why? Because I had a shift of mindset? Because living is not enough? Damnit, these Leslie moments really have to go.

Monday, April 07, 2003

Those people who moved into the office opposite mine? Well, I'm sure their top management are pretty okay. And the cleaning lady seems pretty fine too. But the monkeys they hired to do God knows what? Ah, calling them monkeys will be an insult to monkeys. These 'people' spend their time smoking away in the stairwell. Sometimes, they smoke up the corridor so much it's hard not to gag everytime I go to the toilet. And they don't smoke your regular run-of-the-mill cigarettes - we're talking really foul shit here which you don't smell anywhere else except probably some drug den. And when they smoke in the stairwells, they sit on the stairs and they don't bother moving even if you need to use the stairs to go up to the next floor. Ah, but is that all? Noo... these are the retards who destroyed the doorknob in the toilet ( one month after they came in ), destroyed the dustbin ( less than one month after they came in ), dance and crack jokes in the toilet ( I shit you not ) and worst of all, leave their shit floating around in the toiletbowl. Now, I might read my shit from time to time, but I don't leave it around for other people to scrutinize. It's just plain rude. Even I have the sensibilities to flush after I'm done!

Damnit, no matter what you do, you can't hide someone's upbringing. You can dress them up in long sleeves and slacks. You can make sure that their hair is really well-groomed. Heck, you can make them look a hundred times smarter than me. But what you can't do is hide the fact that these punks have been fished out from the trash heap of society. Couldn't their management have spent just a little bit more money to hire better educated personnel?

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Interesting Way To Kill Yourself While You Are Sick:

Chilli. Lots of chilli. Or, in my case, chilli enough for two to go with my bowl of koay teow th'ng. In an effort to eradicate a non-fever fever ( to be fair, I do feel feverish, but my temperature's pretty normal ) and rid myself of this blasted cold ( the nose, it's running ), I decided to steal my father's share of chilli and consume them all. Madness? Partly. I hate weekends when I'm sick. Drives me up the wall. Makes me devour chilli overwhelming. Heck, it's been about ten minutes and I'm still sweating. If anything, this will help me lose weight. At least my eyes don't feel tired anymore. I swear, it was a Moment of Realization when I realized that I was eating chilli meant for two.

I do feel better after that nice sweatdown. Hmm, perhaps I should try to sweat more. Drink hot stuff. Hot Milo. The can of minestrone in the cupboard. Perhaps, some coffee ( although that might wreak havoc on my already sensitive throat... no, better not ).

But damnit, it's not working! My nose is still stuck! All that effort... and my soon to be dead stomach... *sob*

Friday, April 04, 2003

I have drunk too much water and now I must spew. To complicate matters, I have drunk warmish hot water ( cause you can't drink hot water directly, cause then BAD THINGS will happen ), so the heat is making my stomach bloated. How do I feel now? Horrible. Mucus leakage has intensified - I've dripped God knows how many litres of ooze all over my keyboard, my desk, my chair and my jeans. Oh, and I think I broke something in my chair cause I heard a loud crack while I was reclining earlier and now it's time for me to go switch chairs later when no one's around which will probably be next Monday. Back to the slime I've been producing - they're pretty slippery when you rub them between your fingers; I wonder if I can bottle them and market them as lubricant. There's a new girl in the office today - someone I know also knows her, and she knows that someone as well. May she rot in peace along the rest of us here in Hell. My eyes are getting weary, and I predict complete body shutdown soon. Tonight, I will go home to hot Milo and cornflakes and I will sleep early, which is just as well, since my sister wants to use my computer and my father will probably go watch The Ring in the hall, thus depriving me of things to do. There's always reading or some creative literary work, but as I stated earlier in one of the previous sentences: Tired eyes. And melted brains. Don't forget the melted brains. Cause I think that's the gooey stuff which is leaking out of my nose now.
Marmalade! Damnit, it's marmalade! How could I forget marmalade!
Your idea of fun:
Total number of votes: 12

Vote breakdown:
1. Saturday night parteeeee! (1)
2. Sex orgy! (3)
3. Anything done with peace and quiet. (0)
4. Just hangin' with my friends. (3)
5. Absolute solitude. (1)
6. Fun does not exist in my life. (0)
7. Playing God with the lives of others. (2)
8. Being God. (0)
9. I am fun personified. (2)

I used to like sex orgies myself. Nowadays, I'm with the peace and quiet.
Misery.

I took a half day off yesterday to recuperate from the constant six hours of sleep a night marathon which I have been having. That didn't really do me much good, cause my nose has started leaking gooey mucus today and I'm starting to feel feverish. Is this merely a psychological effect brought upon by the SARS panic which is slowly building up? At any rate, I'm thinking that the sooner I get out of this ungodly air-conditioned office the better my chances of recovery. I was doing so well last night, after all.

After a pleasant rest in the afternoon, I woke up, bummed around and ended up watching XXX. Vin Diesel is the new action hero! His ubercoolness is reflected in the way he does airborne motorcycle stunts while shooting and avoiding getting shot. Not to mention the way he snowboards down mountains or apply video game psychology to real life situations. Now that is way [00l. And then there's the uberbabe in the movie - Asia Argento - an Italian babe who did a very good rendition of a Russian babe in the movie. For some reason, she reminded me of Neve Campbell at the start, but her noticeable nose soon drove away that impression.

So here I am now, half-dead in the office, debating SARS with my paranoid self. What IF, huh? WHAT IF? Do I wait in quarantine, desperately hoping for a cure anyday soon? Do I do a Leslie and jump off a building? Or maybe a Kurt Cobain and hang myself? Is it easier to end your own life rather than wait for yourself to succumb to a disease? Is ending your life by your own hand the more honourable way to go? Morbidity, eh. Personally, I think I'm too chicken to kill myself. Unless it's for a reaaaally good reason. Some people might argue that there will never be a reason good enough to kill yourself. Whoever who said that probably didn't get the last part of Armageddon. Anyway, I digress. Yes, the SARS epidemic is getting to me. It's hard to stay calm when the government's ordered a massive information blackout on the issue. How any in Malaysia has SARS? None, says the government. But can they be trusted? I bet not. And it's this very lack of information which is, instead of lulling me into a false sense of security, increasing my paranoia. Who knows where the hotspots are now? It might be Pulau Tikus for all I know, but with the government clamping down on the media, you just can't tell. And everyone else might choose to remain blissfully ignorant, but I can't. I hate being left in the dark ( and while we're on the subject of being left in the dark, much thanks to my bastard asshole friends who decided to leave ME in the dark regarding someone ). I'm a citizen of this country too. Need the info, if only to determine where NOT to go. I watched Outbreak, okay. I *know* what happens in an epidemic. That cinema scene is starting to come back to me now, and boy is it freaking me out.

Oh well. I only panic if I think about it. There's this fatalistic attitude in me which is constantly fighting against the panic, which is causing pretty contradictory results. On one hand I'm panicky. On the other hand, I'm accepting things as they come along. Yes, I'm a very confused person.

Oh bother, now I need to go on a vision quest to seek answers.

"A-koo-chee-Moya, I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers..."

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Thursday in a Nutshell:

SARS = Very bad. Reminder to self: Get more sleep to bring immune systems back online. There's this strange undercurrent of panic I'm detecting around me. The government's suppressing info from the public, but people know.

Leslie Cheung = Surreal. Have yet to accept that he decided to kill himself. It's hard, you know. I'm not exactly a fan of Leslie, but damnit, suicide? If I can hold on to life, so can he! Maybe it's really some evil spirit plaguing the poor man. At the moment, Leslie Cheung => Dead by suicide still can't register itself in my mind.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

So I told the manager today that I didn't want to go to Thailand. Reason: parents weren't comfortable with the threat of SARS. Manager agreed, and decided to send another engineer from Hong Kong. Later today, we got a mail from the Thailand folks telling us not to go over. And thus ended my Thailand trip. No original Thai tom yam for me, but I'm not complaining. The tom yam at Makro's good enough for me.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

And today, William Von Darke starts surfing for money in a company based in Cyberjaya. I think a blog might be a good idea - working life and blogs go so well together, as long as your blog doesn't get you fired.

Now, my company might send me to Thailand. Oh well. Somehow, I don't really mind Thailand. Sure, Bangkok's pretty polluted from what I've read, but I think I can deal. Even though I nearly puked myself to death the last time I went there. Thailand, Thailand... bread with jam, tomyam and elephants come to mind, not to mention those strange dances which the Siamese are so fond of doing with the white-faced girl and the guy with the devil mask. And of course, the King and I.

Will the company really send me off this time? Is this yet another a false alarm? Will I come down with food poisoning again in Thailand? Then again, these questions don't really bother me. Bring it on, I say.

But wait! If this trip involves Sunday, I'll miss the Gilmore Girls! NoOOooOOOo!