Friday, June 11, 2004

Because of Paul Moss.
What did he do?
He said I'm terrible.

And that's how I got sucked into Malaysian Idol. Never thought much about American Idol - bunch of people from the other side of the world singing... bleh. We have that on MTV too, and those sing better. But this... this is local. The Malaysian flavour. It's very different when you see your fellow countryfolks giving it their best shot. It's kinda like how local porn is always better than porn from anywhere else ( with the possible exception of Germany ).

The auditions for this - the first episode - were held in PISA, Penang. Like all little sisters are wont to do, Vicky and her little friends actually went over there to have a looksee, but they only let contestants in ( well, duh ). The hosts appeared all over Penang when they were doing that commentating thingy - there were shots of the Penang Bridge in the background, some Chinese temple and then they were standing at Fort Cornwallis. So they got to tour the state and commentate. Wonderful.

The show itself is really fun. If the contestants are not females, they're transvestites. Or very very sensitive guys. What will people from out of the country think when they watch Malaysian Idol! And the songs! I do so love listening to Isabella getting destroyed on national television. Isabella and a whole bunch of other songs in all the languages. Most of them offkey and offtiming. I look forward to voting in future!

The Judges:
Roslan Aziz aka Randy Jackson
Fauziah Latiff aka Paula Abdul
Paul Moss aka Simon Cowell

The Hosts:
Sharifah Aleya [ HOT ]
Soo Kui Jien

You know, the judges are pretty close to their American counterparts. Roslan's funny in a Malay pakcik manner though. Overall, the three are pretty likeable. And Aleya... OMG. Damn, how can a girl be so annoying and sexy at the same time? She... uh... <mega unprintable thoughts>. Maybe I should go write a story or touch myself about her. Get it out of the system, yeah. At any rate, she and Jien weren't so bad at doing that hosting thing. Von Darke and I might have been able to do a better job, but then the censorship board would be dealing with rather politically incorrect comments and possibly quite a number of strong vulgar words.

And then, of course, we have the stars of the show. Those nice Malaysians who were Entertainment Tonight. There were a whole lot of them auditioning - here are a few I can remember off the top of my head.

The Contestants:
Vic [ IN ] - The guy who wept on TV as he talked about how his mother helped him reach the pinnacle of Malaysian stardom. He emits "soft" vibes. People might just see him as the next Clay Aiken or something. Unfortunately, he got to go on to the next stage. Knowing how the world likes to work against me, he might just end up as this year's Malaysian Idol. Or worse, a bloody social virus like Clay.

Shima ( or Sheema ) [ IN ]- Proposed to one of the male judges ( and got a "I'm married." for her efforts ) after they told her "yes dear, you can move on to the next stage". She's not so bad.

Julian [ OUT ]- A dance instructor ("Put your right hip forward!!"). Sang Edelweiss. Got booted out for being Most Nervous Guy the judges had ever seen. And there was something about the nose moving about too much. He's very photogenic though. Poor chap. At least he's not giving up. That's the spirit!

Hoshi Sato's Twin Brother [ OUT ] - Sang Four Non-Blondes' What's Up?. So the guy has long hair and a feminine voice. I thought he sounded pretty good, but maybe the judges have something against cross-gendered idols.

Alan [ MOST PROBABLY OUT ] - Who danced as he sang a Chinese song. I nearly killed my kidneys laughing.

The Guy who Bought a Bow from Kamdar and could Sing in Multiple Languages [ WRONGFULLY OUT ] - Damn, how could he not go on to the next stage? Dumbass judges. I suspect he got kicked out because he didn't look good. Dude, if you really understand all those languages you're singing in, go run for Chief Minister of Penang instead.

Some male dancer who has ambiguous sexual orientation [ SO FARKING OUT - AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T COME BACK ] - I thought he was going to put his dance moves to work, but he just stood there and massacred some song. Got booted out for inventing new notes for the song he 'sang'. They should have shot him instead.

Well, that sure was a fantastic start. I like, even though there was much relief after the show ended ( ow my head ). Next week... Kuching! Here's hoping East Malaysia will provide us with more fun and laughter. If not, there's Aleya. And if all else fails, I'm sure the judges will utterly humiliate and demoralize another bunch of hopeful wannabes. And that's fun to watch too.

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