Tuesday, June 29, 2004

I detest the need for despair and forlornness before my inner demon can kick in and start getting stuff done. Yet somehow, that is how things appear to work. Strike me down, and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Well, maybe not that powerful, but at least something inside starts rollin' rollin' rollin' and all of a sudden, hey, some things actually get accomplished during work.

It's like, pain is the fuel that motivates. So does anger and a whole hoard of other negative feelings but nothing's as good as that wretched heartbreak which swallows you whole. Occasionally, you get one which is so overwhelming you shut down for the better part of a year. And then you come back. More powerful than you can possibly imagine. And if not more powerful then at least you've gotta be glad that you didn't do anything really dumb when you were really down. Well, marginally glad, at least. After all, if one were completely at peace... why, then, what is there left to life?

Only the truly dead are at peace. The undead shamble around somewhat, and the live ones among us, we go around making a bigger mess of the mess our ancestors made before us. Along the way, we gather all manner of pain and suffering onto ourselves and somehow, that kinda makes life worth living. Not to the extreme that we go around killing each other and beheading other people. Nah, that's completely missing the point of the whole issue that is life. I'm talking about the crapfest that life seems to be. Work. Romance ( or lack of ). Sex ( or extreme lack of ). Emotional baggage. Family. Friends. Those farking bastards who like to park in my lot at work ( "And if you shiteaters are reading this, you stay out of my farking lot or I will park my car up your soon-to-be extremely bloody and enlarged ass!" ).

Yeah. Well. I needed to get that out. With the rain these days, no one's been able to come early to play musical parking lots with me. But you know, issue's been around for sometime. Now's as good a time as any to clear the air up on that. Bleh.

I digress. Back to the pain and the horror, the horror, the blablabla... come on, man. We get hit, we get up again. Our friends drag us down, our other friends who might not be so real after all drag us up again. Our boss shafts us, we plan to stuff both our legs up him in the near future. Life is all about the PAIN and the CHALLENGE and the HORROR. And yeah, we're supposed to tell life to BRING IT ON.

It doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world was what it should be, to show it what it can be.

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