Monday, November 22, 2004

The bracing cool weather we're experiencing these days makes it easy for me to get sick. Bouts of headaches abound, along with this strange lethargy which seems to have befallen me. I'm feeling sleepy and tired most of the time. I blame it on the cold. On the other hand, the weather is also putting me into a happier mood. I blame it on the happy nostalgic memories of Christmas past. And then there were those halcyon days of university where I would get out of my car in the morning and look at the blue blue sky and go, "Hey, we could be gods after all".

But that was last time. A time when I was younger and carefreer. Erm. More carefree. The grind of work has ground my dreams to sawdust. It's very odd, but somehow, I don't think I have any dreams left. Very sad, yes, but my dreams probably migrated to wherever dreams go to die in that dark forgotten dreamless place at the back of the mind.

You know what? I think I just got the brush off from some girl. Again. From the same girl. What kind of dumb fark am I? Why do I like the pain so? Maybe I really like that kind of stuff where I'm tied up while some dame in leather flays the skin off me.

The realization hit me last night that maybe I'm not really the relationship type. It's a bit like waking up in the toilet with your sister kicking your legs to check if you're still alive or not. And weirdly, it always happens on a Sunday night. Like, wtf man? What is it with Sunday nights and semi-Greek semi-tragedies chockful with epiphanies? Is my life so filled with meaningless work that I need more angst? Do I look like I need more angst? I need sex, damnit, not angst! I've done the angst scene so much that I can probably write angst as well as Joss Whedon. Yeaargh!

But. Back to the weather. And the cold. And the caffeine OD. And the numbed mind. Well, OD and mindlessness and propensity for sickness apart, I am lovin' the weather very much. The deep-rooted happiness associated with Christmas is just enough to serve as balm for rejection. Also, it's a good reason to get drunk every night again. Amen.

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