Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Of Dolphins & Leeches

Yes they do. If you're a dolphin, you could be peacefully swimming in the nice blue sea when suddenly, this big gang of dolphins start humping you. Ditto if you're a duck. Or a goose. It's savage, but that's nature. You're a duck, happily waddling in a pond, and then suddenly this huge-assed black duck pounces on you and starts shoving its dirty yellow beak up your ass. Now how would that feel? Or maybe you get gangraped in the sky by a flock of other ducks while flying south for winter. Everyone thinks humans getting raped is bad, but no one is there to bring nature's rapists to justice. Goddamn non-consensual monsters.

Why am I researching dolphin rape? Cause I'm stuck fixing a dead-end bug which has been tearing my soul apart for the past couple of weeks. It's not easy, it's not fun, it's frustrating. It's more elusive than Carmen Sandiego in the final mission of "Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?". I've been feeling so horrible. So so horrible. Do not walk by my cubicle. You might just get mauled to bloody ribbons of red flesh.

In other news, my cubemate reported that his mother's friend's friend died because she had leeches living in her stomach. Yes, leeches, those damn little bloodsuckers. They live in leafy green vegetables (or so the story goes), and if they're not dead when you eat them, they'll start interior decorating your intestines and stomach and live there. Then they'll have sex with each other or breed asexually, and they'll lay their little eggs in all those niches in your intestines. Those small, roundish, yellow eggs. And then the eggs will hatch, and little baby leeches will slither out, and then they'll have leech sex and before you know it, there are thousands of leeches living inside your stomach. Apparently, at this point, your stomach will get bloated. And there will be nothing you can do but die. An operation to remove the leeches will be futile on account of their sharp leechy teeth which bite into the walls of your stomach. Is this true? Is this false? I don't know. My cubemate just said so.

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